"Don't worry. I don't have any kind of relationship you imagined with him."

"but..."

"Wells, it looks like he feels much more than that towards me, though."
"But...it's definitely not love."

"....."

"His eyes are too innocent. Completely unrelated to affection and love."
"It's purely admiration."

"ermm..."

"Basically, he's still a kid."

Birthday and detachment

I guess i need to pen it down before i forgot about the matter. Yes. It is my birthday.

I didn't have a cake. I didn't really celebrate. Instead, 4-5weeks before, i asked my friend out (okay, it was both ways, we asked each other out) on my birthday. I didn't realise it was my birthday. Okay, i wasn't trying to be dramatic but here goes my illustration.

me: "Hey, you free like say three weeks later?"
she: "Heh? Yar, my project ends on wednesday. So we meet next next next thursday can?"

So, that was what happened. Which saint mind would remember his birthday to be on next next next thursday. I didn't make a change in date. I guesssed she would forget anyway. And that would be better -- i didn't really need someone to celebrate for me. I'm contented with what i have right now anyway.

Fast forward to that fateful day. (For anyone's concern, i spent my days doing projects, mugging and ACCA) She did remember afterall. I met her at Plaza Sing. I was supposed to meet her in school, then drive down together to cathay, but i couldn't make it for lecture as i needed to collect my damn thesis for submission.

So, plaza sing. She was holding to this blue checkered box (which still remains on my table) awkwardly waiting for me. At first, i thought it was a shoebox. Yes, im stupid. It was actually quite touching.

We went for movie, then I brought her to have a light dinner at chalk. Then I sent her home.

I felt different. Albeit the fact of me not intending to celebrate, I actually felt sweet and warm at the end of the day. It was probably the best birthday so far. The reason for not celebrating is coz' I'm a very hard person to please, and so even if my family were to celebrate for me, it's just a simple cut cake event ( or dinnering which i need to find the place, make sure the food are suitable for them, blah blah). It's stupid.

For friends, I don't know. I knew i did sufficiently much for afew of my friends birthday. But I guess it's best to treat it as unreciprocating. Give and that's it. If they return the favour, it will be the best.

So, it was perhaps, I treated the day without much expectations, that a simple movie and a dinner is suffice to sastify. Or perhaps....I've been thinking, perhaps I might have fallen for her some time ago.

But right now, i guess i should put more focus in the more important things.

And recently, i finally understand what my friends meant by feeling 'lonely'.

I really need a change in my life. I feel like doing a sem overseas. A change in scenery. A change in environment. A change of everything. Till then.

That's how you feel......the feeling of detachment.