VALVAL- o: stupid damn wireless. ._. says:
<3~


Under the twinkling stars. twink twink. says:
eee..dun heart me...damn disgusting.


VALVAL- o: stupid damn wireless. ._. says:
<33333~

Under the twinkling stars. twink twink. said:
...

Under the twinkling stars. twink twink. said:
okay then...<3333333~

VALVAL- o: stupid damn wireless. ._. said:
=D

VALVAL- o: stupid damn wireless. ._. said:
<333~

VALVAL- o: stupid damn wireless. ._. said:
nitienite


DAMN LAME. =.=

Shit. I duno what's wrong with me. Before that i was studying my tax. That was before i started dozing off. I dreamt of my grandmother. From the time when i was a toddler, and how she took care of me till what i am now. Scenes by scenes flooded me -- her radiant smile, her coarse and calloused hands, her strong arms, her putting me to sleep, her comforting me when i'm sad, her asking me to believe in god, her cooking everyday for me. Slowly slowly, i grew taller, she grew weaker. She still possess her radiant but waning smile, her coarse and strong hands now stained with black liver spots, and it started trembling. Still, she still put me to sleep, comforts me when i'm sad, her doing million and one things for me, study with me, teach me how to read scriptures.

Soon, i outgrew her, and that was the time i left her. I no longer stayed at her house, but only occasional visits with my family. I'm too busy with my school and activites to even think of visiting her. So, her days are spent alone, keeping the house clean and friends (yes, she has alot of friends even now!) to accompany her. Her pasttime is praying, and reading scriptures. Yes, a mundane life but she was enjoying it. Every now and then, she will call me, and ask how i'm doing, but only to be brushed off by my excuse of not-free-to-talk-to-her and i never bothered to return the call.

Then, scenes of my relatives moved in to stay with her. They are a bunch of people who didn't knew how to make her happy. Her quiet solitude days are over. She suppressed her anger everyday. Before we knew it, she had an heart attack.

Next, my mind was flooded with my last visit with her. Pale complexion took over. Tiredness and glaucoma too over. Her vision is blurred and disturbing. Yet, she still recgonise my footsteps, and walked over to hold my hands. Never to let go until we left. Her face showed a sign of resigned sadness.

The last scene was with no sequence of time. She was sitting down on the bed massaging my back for quite some time. Then, i turned and asked her "doesn't your hand hurt?"

She replied with the most brilliant smile i even seen and replied in teochew "of course it hurts, but it's okay. You are my good grandson."

Yes, i cried. And i cried all the time i'm writing this post. I couldn't help it. I don't know why. Tears of love, it seemed.

I should stop being so quick-tempered. I should stop being so quick-tempered. I should stop being so quick-tempered. I should not hurt more people's feelings anymore.

Arghh, i shall stop playing anymore too. seriously. haiz.

Today, today is the start of a new new routine. Damn the decision. I can't believe this is happening. I told emily, thinking she's the only one that is mature enough to understand, but she doesn't see my point. She said i should be happy.

Perhaps i don't want more responsibility. I'm contented with what i have now. Any additionals just sucks. I need to care and maintain, and that's not all -- not to mention all the intangibles.

Boon or bane. I don't intend to tell anyone else. Even my closest of my closest friends. But i guess sooner or later, people will find out. It is just like that. Life is like that.