You can say, i have lousy time management. I don't have time to send a decent blessing card to my friends for the new year, not even time for an electronic mail, nor SMS; nor i did anything for my yahoo groups. And now i'm rushing to beat the midnight target for this post, which i know it will not be decent.

Of course, this point is meant as a rounding up for the year, which i feel is important. But before saying out anything, i would like to say
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2003 is the worst year so far in my life. The struggles in studies and workload in scouting is overwhelming. The most stressful year, and i believe that this is the year when i started on deep reflecting and procrastination. Then bouts of depressions will fall in, but it do makes me stronger whenever it happens. I learn to take the cold hard fact, and take things in my stride. But i have nt reach the ultimate stage, and a long way more to go!

I realised that this year i at least bother to care and whine about what is happening around me. I'm a stubborn lad, wanting to do and get things in my way, pushing all other ideas aside. But the otherwise do applies, i sometimes do learn from people and try out their ideas and concepts. (I won' tell you how many times i failed using other people's methods) =P

Another realisation was that, my smiles have always been with me, all the time. Though my smiley countanances sometimes are fake, but ultimately they are still smiles. And perhaps my smiles have brightened up many occasions. =) Smile to you!

Games have not been part of my life this year, except for team-building games, they are countable with one hand.


And so, those friends out there, i extend my warmest greetings to you, and wish you a good year ahead, 'shun shun li li' or if you did not do well this year, things could start afresh once again.
Afresh? Well, life is continuous, and the word afresh is to forget your past and start all over again. But the fact is that life keeps moving on, time don't wait for you, and starting things afresh don't really applies. Starting all over again means you return to your mother's womb and live the world again. By forgetting the past, you are just escaping reality, escaping inevitable history, escaping from yourself. Escapism isn't the way out, and never it will be.

So, a year will go by today and a new year come tomorrow. But life just continues. In another words, it's just another day. And nothing special. Calender is what human creates, and holdays is what human claims for rest, to get drunk and waste the day.

Countdown parties and so fourth, people just like to amuse themselves, and the main reason for such things is creating happiness. And happiness we should have, but it won't last, will it? Perhaps just for that day when you amuse yourselves...

Once again, happy new year! Though i don't know if there is any use of saying it. =) But well, enjoy yourselves, and be happy.

For perhaps only few times in my holiday, i felt happy. And this time, it wasn't just plain happiness, but delirious. Two very good news, and two good news.

Let's start with very good news. Mr Amos will be my form teacher next year! And yay! He's a jolly nice guy. Having him as my form teacher was just great! It's just like when i know who was my form teacher this year. I have faith in him!

Mr Peter Lee will be scouts second-in-charge. Another teacher whom had my admiration. And he too a jolly nice guy. He was a major before, before he retired from his civil services. He sure will bring high-yielding results to scouts. And because of that, my 'scouting career in school' had a turning point. Whessh, i can't belive the fact! It seemed so .....................

Good news are that i got my scholarship and Eagles award. I decided not to go up stage to get my scholarship, a waste of time. I'll just collect from the Bishan-Toa Payoh CC. I'm more interested in the money than the performance and fame. *Evil laughs*.
This money will help me salvage my bankrupt edusave.

And eagles, it just reminded me to give TIC a treat for nominating me. Hee. =) But for this, i need to collect in school, that means i need to go up stage. Arghh, a torment for me. Can't i just claim from the general office the money?!!

I met her to return my books today. Her violent tendecies still remained. I received a forceful punch as a greeting from her, causing a burning sensation and searing pain in my stomach. Argh, she said it was to share her gastric pain with me. =(

Well, come to think of what happened today was like something i don't dare to imagine of. And it just came, the boldest of my dreams turned reality. And now feeling different from yesterday and yesterday, i looked forward to the new year and new challenges! Somehow, my courage and endurance and mindset tuned in the right direction. God, i shall pray, i will depend on myself and not wallow into self-pity anymore!

Sheeshhh, i'm so so so happy!!!

Went out with my primary school friends today. Organisers are the usual, May Ying and me. Those who came and joined us; Cheng Siong, Gainseng, Jia Cheng, Pin Jin, Jun Hong, Aaron, Christina, Kathleen, Huili and Liyin. Well, it was fun. We spent 8.5 hrs around City Hall, Suntec City, Marina Square. After lunch, we decided on bowling and lasted for two games. The guys whined alot, hmm, coz' they wanna play soccer. But well, excluding the padang, there are no other field available. I never cross 100 points for both games. I'm a lousy bowler, i admit.

Afterwhich, a few guys parted with us. And so after a long time negotiating, we decided to catch a movie. C'mon, what else could we do in a boring place like Singapore. So we watched 'school of rock', a lame movie as i would say. WE had an hour in hand, before the movie started, thus we walked around, looking and fooling, laughing and joking.

The movie wasn't up to my expectation, mine standard high. Can't hold a candle to Lotr: rotk. Storyline wasn't that well, and lead actor was disgusting. Two points out of five. But one thing i admire was those 10yrs old kiddo that played the instruments--guitar, drum, electric piano, bass, etc. Well, i admit, i'm nothing compared to the lead guitarist, and even worst in comparison with the kiddo drummer. Arghh, felt bad. Should have trained harder. The way they play was simply marvellous, awesome, captivating. Five points out of five for their performance. Perhaps, i'm generous co' i'm lousier than them.

The movie was lame, but being with friends watching this movie isn't lame. Two of my friends changed their msn nick to something related to 'school of rock', and i believe they don't really enjoy the movie, but the memories of watching with us, primary school friends, made the movie a good one for rememberance. We cherish the time we spent together, we do gel easily, it's the bond within us, unbreakable. And one more thing to share, my primary school friends are the most sentimental lot i've ever met. =) Rock on guys!

Quote of the day:
"There are known knowns. There are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know."

Sometimes, i loves to make comments on my friends whom have a diferrent skin colour as me. Perhaps, it's known as colourism? Or facism is the right word. It normally don't seem to hurt them, as we bonded too well in the multiracial country, that they can simply accept it and take it in their stride. So, as long as you don't go too overboard, you shall not experience any trauma or injuries.

Well, every country has her uniqueness. Singapore is one of a kind too. The other countries don't preach multiracism like us. Singaporeans, with various culture at our doorstep, grow up to be more appreciative and tolerent to other culture and perhaps religion. While, on the contrary, Malaysia--a country focused on Muslims, Americans--country concentrated with whites, China--only chinese. Their tolerence of other religion and culture is low. Whites belong to whites and asian belong to asian, whites condemn asians and the vice versa. (Never heard much of asian condemning whites)

Imagine, a Singaporean whom wants to live overseas, need to consider regarding their personal status in the country. He, who belong to the second-class citizen, might not be effective in applying for lodging, job and many other things. So, imagine, other country citizens wanting to come over to Singapore need not think so much, as they will be regarded equal--equal in everything. Perhaps, that's why Singapore had an influx of PRs nowadays.

That's not the point i want to make. But perhaps, the influx of PRs ain't overwhelming enough. Singapore wants more foreign talent to add pressure on locals. So if more people flood Singapore, will those people retain our multiracial culture?

Now about that foreign talent part, foreign students filled our school, competing with locals and beating them. Then those hardworking foreign students entered a good JC or polytechnics, but the question is that they came to Singapore just for the education? Or will they contribute to Singapore? If the answer is no, then those candidates lagging a little behind those foreign students will be able to take up their courses and contribute to Sinagpore. Assuming on the fact that most Singaporeans will stay in Singapore.

For me, i wouldn't care much. Maybe the education system is something like the society, the survival of the fittest / strongest. Foreign talent just push locals a little further, but acheivement still depended on individual, themselves.

Christmas passed and soon a year will be gone. A year, what does it mean? What does a year meant to you? Afterall, its just time, an invention of man. Time, which meant nothing, but silently ticking away. And time is the culprit for stress, fatigueness. How i wish i could be in the olden days when people only care about dawn and dusk--dawn which signifies the beginning of a new day, and dusk which signifies the end of all activities. That was the only time limit those old men had. So carefree.

Though time ticks at the same, non-accelerating speed from the past till now, we felt the pressure as if time is pushing us against our will, but we could not stop, the fast-paces could never stop, or else time will trample on you and leave you where you are, to rot and die.

Like what Dis said, the run-jog will never end, and it is just like running a long, arduous journey without knowing where is your destination, and you will never get to see your destination. A blind run indeed. But you can choose your path along the way, a path which you like it or not, you shall never turn back. A run, where the road behind you is blurred, leaving only memories of stones and pebbles (milestones) along the way.

Well, so why live? Perhaps it's just the flowers and fruits you met on the way.

I deleted my links to other blogs so as not to allow some sabotage by 'artificial terrorists'. But those are just idiotic fools that have nothing better to do, and their parents of course did not teach them how to behave properly in public. Pardon that. =)

MeRrY ChRiStMaS To aLL ReAdInG mY BloG! =)

Went with Aaron to watch lotr: rotk. The outcome of the game we played a month ago resulted in two losers. The game went like this, he was to bring a girl and me another, anyone who failed to get a partner will be 'punished' in a certain way. Coz' he surrendered to me two days before since he can't find any partner, so i did not really bother to find one too.

Coming back, the movie was splendid. The special effects were superb, alot of movie goers believed that it's better than the previous two movies. Well, we watched at Toa Payoh Entertainment Centre, i don't know why he chose that place, but it indeed was far from his house. And the embarrassing part was that i met a couple of my friends there, they saw me and i saw them. But we all wanted the other party to make the first move, first move to say 'hello'. I only managed to greet one. I'm not the type of people who don't make first approaches, but since they are not my close friends, and i did not want the passive conversation after saying hello. I mean we will then ask the usual, 'qian bian' questions, 'why are you here?' blah blah. But for what, it's just an fake act of concern, most of the time, as i would say. So why not as pretend that the other party was not there, and continue in the own accompaniment of their own friends.

Let's talk about the camp. A lame camp, focus was on teambuilding. Attendance already sucks, only around 20 people turned up for the camp. At first, i managed to get more people for the camp, after fierce persuasion with their parents. But those parents are clever, they started calling other co-ordinator to negotiate with them. I don't mind pointing finger at them. For they wasted my time, my precious time saying sweet things about their son and the camp, though both are equally sour.

Their idiosyncrasy would never be tolerated. Sometimes, parents would talk in a tone as if they are superior. I never do allow that to happen to me, my 'suaning' skills are enough to beat them to ground. Nowadays, child always rely on parents to convey messages to someone they don't dare to face nor talk to. No backbone, and i despise that. I mean, courage is important, parents can't be always there for your aid, and being independent you must be.

The first day went well, the leaders did not get a wink of sleep till 5am in the morning. Sleep went after we went to their dormintory to steal a couple of things from them, one of the leaders even went to the extent of pouring soapy water on their shoes and putting colgate on various part of their bodies. Yucks, i pity the scouts. Then 6.30am the next day started off with PT. Ran almost to the main road and back, the shagged PT instructor was me, whil the other leaders went sleeping or doing light stuffs. Well, i'm one of the unimportant among those leaders whom are old boys. Then activities continued till night time. BBQ started and the atmosphere went down, unlike those i went before. Me, again, was put in-charge of bringing up their morale, the unimportant among the leaders. It wasn't easy, for one hour the morale was made worst by me though. =) But after i started playing 'continuing the story', 'concentration', '7-up', and story tellnig with them.

Story telling was fun, i spent around .5hr telling them stories. First, i told them a few ghosts stories that i knew. Of course, i added my ingenuity and innovativeness in it. Seeing that their goosebumps raised, and muscles clenching, with vivid shivers down their spines, followed by stratches on the back, i stopped frightening them. And to make them feel better, i did a soft prayer with them, though i belive none in ghosts or gods. But a prayer of any sort often made all better. So i continued with adventure stories my father told me when i was small. My father was a leader and went for various adventures that were often known as risky and dangerous. Adventures meaning jungle trekking, mountain climbing in unknown terraces, and scouring for waterfalls that few reached before. And at the end, i was complimented for telling good stories. =)

Then next day came, and feeling not reluctant but delirious, we left.

Lots of feelings for the camp though, believed that an unimportant like me should be a participant instead. Me, as a leader, did not do much except for running errands for the other leaders. Though having almost the same privileges, i don't really gain much. But, though i'm neither a participant nor exactly a leader, and i think i'm classified as another character in the camp, i managed to see things in another angle which a leader nor a participant could see and analyse. I saw the lights for a few things that were previously blockway in my head. Leaders and participants must be respected at all times, and if this was not there, no rapport will be built, and two-way feedback will be futile. A example was when leader Y made decison and was overruled by leader Z, more superior than him, how will leader Y feel and how the members will feel about leader Y and leader Z. This example depicts the scene in camp, when one of the leaders made decision and was kept overruled, and so in the end, he did not bother to make anymore decisions.

Defeatism? Well, it happened to me before, and soon your heart will just feel numb and stopped trying. Human hates embarrassment, and the reason lie deep in the anatomy of us. Can i call it the tolerance point? And after the crucial point, you will just give up. And of course, hatred was sparkled between them.

And perhaps, this is another reason why i refuses on the offer to become the company leader...

p/s: Comment please, i wanna know if my rationaling was right or wrong. Do me this little favour. And sorry so much for my lousy post. =)

Tried to catch up with world news today. Lots of newspaper unread. I'm back-dated. And the only thing i do now is not to give a damn. Just flipped through the papers and reading the caption which none interests me. What an idiot i am.

I always enjoyed the holidays in the past when i could read my papers for about an hour without any concern of precious time ticking away. But now i can't. I would have glanced at the clock for umpteen times in five minutes. I hate that, time is controlling me. Holidays meant as a break, not as a rush.

How i hope things don't change all the time. But the reality is the only constant in the world is CHANGE. Changes everywhere, and adaptaton takes place. Don't you ever feel tired of adapting all the time?

Urghh, enough of trash, return to flipping newspaper. =(

Came back from camp, will post thoughts, feelings, and happenings tomorrow. Wait for my return. Heh heh...
Back to sleeping.....ZZZzzzz

The sky and 'long kang' reflected shades of reds. With the blades of green in the park turning black. And the wind still strong. Last day before my camp, and my happy feeling had almost gone with the wind. Mood dampened, tiredness accelerated.

During my young and inncent days, when i watched those drama serials, whereby the character refused to be promoted no matter how much persuasion from people above him., i always curse and swear at them. For they are stupid, a promotion to me meant higher power, higher acheivements, higher salary, but of course working for it harder. Soon, i began to think the same, promotion doesn't mean anything, it only means higher stress, better quality, higher productivity in a shorter period of time, higher and greater expectations, etc. But, a point to mention, the money and sense of acheivement surpassed those minor tortures.

Think i did not mention it before yet in my blog, i gonna be company leader of my troop. Breaking the tradition for moer than 5years, for not having company leader. For i don't know why they choose me. But,though i can manage the work and whatsoever, i don't feel right getting the post. I've been doing the company leader work for about a year, and at that time, i was fighting for it.

But now, the time ripens, and spring came, with a stroke of luck, i got it.

How my mind thinks: Well,i'm never disbelieving my abilities, but i believe the minor tortures took over me. And i'm tired, and tired, and very tired. I'm satistfied with my acheivements, and i won't want go further. The torments are like hmm, the abyss of an nuclear war. And my heart won't want to bleed more, voyeurism were often practised though, hard work not appreciated to the amount expected. So i rather be happy and contented.

How my heart feels: The post is meaningless to me. Though, i can have more power and control over everything, but what for? I had it now, doing things more than expected, and it's fine with me. And so it grew in-situ within me.

So, i rejected their offer, i've been firm and assertive in my stand. But i can't squeeze my way through. Uniformed group had this stupid thing known as take it or else....... I got no other path to squeeze, eventually, with more or less agony i will suffer defying, i will end up at the same road, a road with no junction for escape...

Do you think i'm doing the right thing? Perhaps, i can contemplate during my camp, sitting beisde the fire and think thoughtfully, without any disturbance from any souls...

And the wind now smacked straight into my face. I looked down to the park, towards the wind direction, in the dead of the night. I don't know why. I felt happy today.

My happiness changed the mood during our Leader's council this evening. Lots of craps, getting prepared for the camp on Sunday to tuesday. Won't really mention much about it.

My banner. And i gleefully announce that it's done! Yay! With the help of Qilin and Serene from choir and Chee How from NCC Land, i managed to turn a blank empty black sheet into a striking picture. Especially the two girls, whom helped me through the day, and painted more than half of the banner. Me and Chee How painted the rest and did touch-up. Well, was fun working with these three people. And of course better than working with my scouts. =) Thanks them alot for helping me out. So grateful. How about a movie treat? I'm broke.

Well, hope i hope i could have girls in scouts. they are much more talented in such areas that boys are generally lacking. And girls do tidy up their place nicely, while guys chucked their things anyoldhow. Argh, generally, girls are better in alot of things, reason being that boys don't care nor bother. Argh. enroll girls into scouts. a point, i did mention before to TIC that we should ask guides for help, i mean helping each other in a way or another. But then, my suggestions always fell to deaf ears. My school guides, as a whole, are 'dao' people. But if you approach individual guide, they will surely help you. Irony?

And i believe my happiness won't last for long. My happiness is brought by the three people. Thank them once again. =) Soon, the tormented and careworn procrastinator will be back. But one thing to note, if you are happy, your productivity indeed increases.

Quotes to share: "Being happy is good. It doesn't last, but hey, what does?"
Disbelieving

"We have investigated machines created by the hands of god,in which nothing can be found that has not been made mathematically perfect."
Albrecht Von Haller

"Get used to the idea that death should not matter to your, for goodand evil based on sensation. Death, however, is the cessation of all sensation. Hence, the most terrifying of all evils, has no meaning for us, for as long as we exist. Death will not be existance present. When death comes, then will no longer be in existance."
Epicurus

Argh, i worked till midnight for the past four days. It's now 1.35am, and i still feel so energetic, used to staying up late?But i'm tired, mentally and physically and intellectually and spiritually. So sad, i never expect my holiday to turn out more tiring than normal lesson times. I visited Body World with my family and Aaron today. The fever was off and the the crowd was low. The bodies ain't eerie, no chloroform smell, dead people around you as exhibits. But the image of those exhibits stayed with me so vividly. I can see the tendons, ligaments, and bones connecting to one another. Nah, just to frighten you.

And just because of perhaps three hours of the viewing of exhibits, made me toiled through the night. Is it worth it? I think so, if i continue to postpone my visit, and perhaps it won't be a visit anymore. My procrastination skills rocks.

I cut out two pieces of newspaper articles about Saddam. One about how his villagers betray him. And the other article how he himself betray the rest of his aides. And it reminded me of something i did today. Betray? Hmm, not really. But never mind. Argh, now to prevent my mind from thinking further, i go to sleep! Sleep, means of escapism. Argh, but i felt bad.

Post a quote: "By means of anatomy, one can learn to recgonise the infinite and incomprehensible wisdom of god. "

Fabry Von Hildin

Who the heaven say god created human? I won't mind if god spend more time thinking about us and churn out only good and kind humans.

And again, i sadly announce that i'm behind time and schedule. And i'm gonna finish up my banner within the next three days. Holiday ain't a holiday for me. I want rest. I want rest. I want rest. Sounds a little like rioting.

Well, my first orientation meeting went well and smooth. The fastest meeting ever, took around half an hour including Q & A session. My project-mates never expected it to end so soon, and they were just plain astonished.

My phone call with TIC became an aggresive rant. I told him lots of things, which i formerly kept to myself. And surprisingly, i did not really feel much better. I don't know why i often keep things to myself, trust is one thing, the disability to show my pseudo self makes me uneasy. And their reactions and responses are sort of unpredictable, and sometimes you never expected that. I don't know why my mind is tuned in this manner, different people different minds.
Coming back, he gave me a few words of wisdom, haha, but putting words to action ain't easy. Sounds like another tired cliche. =)

Sometimes, when i see a person sad and depressed, i will try to find out what's troubling that person. Not actually nosey, or kay poh, but perhaps trying to help. Intruder to other people's life. Have you ever done that?

Busy day. Done some tracking finally. Someone from GMT -0500 had visited my blog so frequently that it occupy 60% of my total viewers. Hee, thanks for reading. May you just leave a message behind? Believe that you had been reading my blog for quite some time. Hee...=)

Wouldn't it be fun if clouds were turtles? Wouldn't it be fun if the laundry on the bedroom chair was a friendly monster? Wouldn't it be fun if rock mesas on Mars were faces or interplanetary monuments? Clouds, though, are small water droplets, floating on air. Laundry is cotton, wool, or plastic, woven into garments. Famous Martian rock mesas known by names like the Face on Mars appear quite natural when seen more clearly, as the above recently released photo shows. Is reality boring?

Nobody knows how clouds make lightning. Nobody knows the geological history of Mars. Nobody knows why the laundry on the bedroom chair smells like root beer. Understanding reality brings more questions. Mystery and adventure are never far behind. Perhaps fun and discovery are just beginning.

Sorry, i'm crazy. =)

Argh, my previous post was lousy. Seemed fractured and broken to me. Not a comtemplative one for sure.

Saddam caught. Who cares. Bush happy. Who cares.

Geminid showers coming soon. won't be able to catch it in S'pore. Too bad. Such a dull place. No auroras seen, no seasons to experience, no nothing. So boring.

I began to wonder why Saddam was so submissive when he was captured. but of course, he can't be retaliating against those wardens. But it looks strange, don't he? Imagine a wild and crazy fellow succumb. What a joke and a sight unforgettable.

Done some chatting tonight, and no calls for me. One of my friends taught me how to woo girls. Hmm, or rather gave me tips. It won't come in handy so soon. Or perhaps i will be an atheist monk in the future. Sounds familiar? Hahaha...

But if we got the power to see the future, our life now will be so indifferent. We won't really work for the things we wanna get, since we know we are getting it in the future. But actually, believe it or not, future is a word meant for things that is fixed, and the term fixed doesn't exist. The future is ever-changing. It's inter-crossed with one another, and everyone plays a part in the future. Like, if you don't do your planning, will your work gets done?
I'm trying to say past and present change future. And future, there is no future, you earn your future.
So my message out there, is that never believe in fortune teller or astrologists.
Geez...=)

Half of my problems are settled. And thanks to hip-hop music. =) And finally, i got the time to blog.

I've been damn pressurised by my work. Pushing myself to finish all of them. But in the end, it always results in procrastination, or when i started doing things, things don't get done in my expected time. So in the end of the day, i sat down and think, i realised that i had been behind schedule. Like three days before, i suddenly realised that i'm a day behind schedule. So it means i had to squeeze 48 hours of work into 24hrs. And then i started doing work hastily and in the end, whatever i do sucks. It just fall behind my expectations.

Then i felt so miserable, made worst by a scolding from someone. And in contrast to my previous self, i started fearing for calls. My heart missed a beat when there is a call for me. I dismantled my handphone (not switch off) so that i would not receive calls. And i blocked a great deal of people online. No radio, no television, so that i can feel that no communications can be made with me.

I don't know why i'm suffering such stupid, ridiculous things that a teenager like me never suffer. I'm like a convict, fearing of 'dunno what'. But because of all of what i suffer, i became more irrational. I'm going crazy. Luckily, i came back to my senses, and yes, i become addicted to sleeping.

Sleeping is an addiction, in case you don't know, it helps you to escape from your troubles. And it's a little better than taking drugs or drinking. Read my Thursday post about sleep. How i wished i could just go into comatose. But i slept late that night. And woke up early, coz' of my busy schedule.

Mood went lower on Friday. Sometimes, i feel something, but i don't know what i'm feeling. And no evidence could support my emotions. I don't know what is happening to me.

My cheery face turned gloomy by Saturday afternoon. My usual smiles were gone. Argh, i felt so bad. I felt so bad. I felt so bad. Despite that, my memory decreased. Is it linked? I don't know and i don't care.

This terrible word, scout, resurrects everyday when i kill it in my memory everyday. What is happening to me? What is happening to me? What is happening to me?

I want to rant out some other things. Scolding some people, etc out here in my blog. I also don't want to mention that particular person infront of friends. If i started telling someone who 'don't know head, don't know tail', then it's just like 'dui niu tan qing'. Argh...

How's my orientation going? Frankly speaking, everything is out of place. But everything will be smooth soon. This project very important to me. If i fail, i will really cry. =) But don't worry, i won't.

I never believe in hip-hop music at first, till a few days ago when i stupidly blasted hip-hop music in my room. And then, i saw sheer magic. It helped me not to fal asleep, and it do improve my productivity. Will post more.

Pretty women scramble men's ability to assess the future

Psychologists in Canada have finally proved what women have long suspected - men really are irrational enough to risk entire kingdoms to catch sight of a beautiful face.

Biologists have long known that animals prefer immediate rewards to greater ones in the future. This process, known as "discounting the future", is found in humans too and is fundamental to many economic models.

Resources have a value to individuals that changes through time. For example, immediately available cash is generally worth more than the same amount would be in the future. But greater amounts of money in the future would be worth waiting for under so-called 'rational' discounting.

But some people, such as drug addicts, show 'irrational' discounting. For example, preferring a small amount of heroin today rather than a greater amount in the future.

Margo Wilson and Martin Daly of McMaster University in Hamilton, Canada decided to investigate discounting behaviour and see if it varied with sexual mood.

Male students, when shown pictures of pretty women, were more likely to opt for short-term economic gain than wait for a better reward in the future.


Sexual opportunity


Both male and female students at McMaster University were shown pictures of the opposite sex of varying attractiveness taken from the website 'Hot or Not'. The 209 students were then offered the chance to win a reward. They could either accept a cheque for between $15 and $35 tomorrow or one for $50-$75 at a variable point in the future.

Wilson and Daly found that male students shown the pictures of averagely attractive women showed exponential discounting of the future value of the reward. This indicated that they had made a rational decision. When male students were shown pictures of pretty women, they discounted the future value of the reward in an "irrational" way - they would opt for the smaller amount of money available the next day rather than wait for a much bigger reward.

Women, by contrast, made equally rational decisions whether they had been shown pictures of handsome men or those of average attractiveness.

"We have not elucidated the psychological mechanisms mediating our results," says Margo Wilson. "But we hypothesise that viewing pictures of pretty women was mildly arousing, activating neural mechanisms associated with cues of sexual opportunity."

Tommaso Pizzari, an evolutionary biologist at Leeds University, offers another possible explanation: "If there's the prospect of getting a very attractive partner it may pay a man to take more risks than if an average partner was available."

He told New Scientist: "If this is a response to sexual selection then you would expect men who are less attractive to take more risks. If you have many attractive potential partners then it does not pay to take risks. If you are less attractive, with few potential partners, then it pays to take risks."

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Damn, men is always at the losing end. At the moment, female and males are of co-dominance, but in the future, co-dominance might cease to exist. And the female will rule! What a sad story!

Why this world is like that? I was scolded by my parents for meddling things that are none of my business. Why the cruel and evil and cunning people always survive? Argh, i do sound naive. But i do know about this reciprocrating world long ago. But i just can't accept the fact. But i normally ignore and live with it. But now, it's so different, i felt so agitated coz' of that.

Unless the world turn around once again, and the practical fact of this civilised world reciprocrate again. But perhaps, a double negative isn't a positive, and it just worsen the effect..........

I'm very busy nowadays. Sorry for the lack of time to post. Lots of assignment not completed, and holiday is coming to an end soon. I can't procrastinate, and i don't bother about setting priorities right, coz' i have had no time left. And i can't spend time deciding and pondering what to do next. I'm stressed.

The best time of the year had arrived, the park below me is booming with life. Cool wind blows through the day, trees swayed and kingfishers roamed the pond. How i wished to go down and have a quiet walk. But i can't. Sobx.

I'm stressed, mind filled with projects and date dues. My best time of the day is when i go to sleep. Sleep, can take away all my woes. Sleep, can stop me from worrying. Sleep, can cut me off from the world. Sleep, can leave me to my own private, secluded world. Sleep, herald the power of sleep!

Thought for the day:
Should a GM 'tekan' his asst. infront of his colleague coz' he made a not-so-serious mistake?

Comments are welcome.

And the first day of day camp is over! Will be rushing with the tests and assessing all the cadets. Careworn, and my orientation, still no progress. I had not been procrastinating, but i really got no time. And i won't want to give this project up to someone else.

Sometimes, things that should be left unsaid, and sometimes some things should be said. One must be tactful. Sometimes, i feel my blog ain't a safe place, but i really want to say it out; but of course, it will hurt the person's feeling if i write it out since that person knows my blog address. Regretted publicising my blog.

Feeing a little frustrated these few days. I just felt indifferent. Comparing myself to the past (three months ago), i turned more on the bad side. Not liking even more things and not taking things in my stride. Hate the people controlling me, telling me what to do. It's senseless. And i'm terribly sick of scouting! Till now, i don't really know what the hell is scouting. People tell me that i should lead in the scouting style. I mean what the hell? Is the scouting style so great and unique? I prefer to work and lead other people in my own way and i proved it will be better. I do admit i'm stubborn. But the true fact that my method isn't that bad, things still get done and etc.

Argh, why did i join scouts in the first place? I really don't know. You can scold me that i'm stupid, or disappointed with me and whatsoever. But it's the truth. I can't keep all my emotions within me. There are so much, so much things i hate. And everything seemed to be blocking my way!

Still don't feel the satisfaction after writing so much trash. I really need a talk, a talk with someone that can understand me. CALL ME! My fake smiley countenances had received some complaints. Should i look gloomy instead?

Argh, i really don't know what i'm typing. I got no idea, and i know there are lots of loopholes. Ignore this post, i'm just plain frustrated(du lan) and using my blog to let out my frustration. So sorry!

I pushed through the hike. Yay! I need so rest, before i start on my projects and stuffs. Days had been damn busy, and i really don't have time to do homework. Braindead, now that i know, is closely related to fatigueness. Cannot 'tahan' long le. And yar, need to catch up with world news, had been glancing and not reading newspaper after my NPC camp. Will comment something more political and controversial if i got the time. (obviously i don't). Will also talk about my hike if i got the time. =)

Having my chief com. hike tomorrow. Will need rest. Got great ideas for my orientation. Hee, i'm so excited but fatigued. Wonder if i will survive my hike.

After tomorrow's meeting, i will have go for a Chief Comissioner Award Hike which will take up two days. After which i would do my plannings for my CCA recruitment drive; i could never let this fail, and i gonna do the best and bring the best out of it. Coz' i believe that if i do it well, i will gain people's respect and admiration. I'll bring in the most number of sec1s in the past ten years. A record tough to break, but i will try and i will show. By hook or by crook, i will get it done. To show people and of course myself of what i'm capable of. And furthermore, i don't wnt any help from people above me. I want them to know i can do things without them and better. Selfish? Arrogant? I don't know.

What the heck i am doing? Proving myself, proving people wrong, for what? For what?! But it just the buring desire in me. My mind is confused and disarrayed. I said too much, and such things are better to kept unsaid. But i promised i will make it a good one, no matter what.

Getting stressed up and felt sort of sad.
And the fact was that i don't know why.
Wanted to cure my sadness but i don't know how.
Wanted to have some really good rest, but i don't know when.
Wanted to have a nice chat with someone, but i don't know who.

Question for the day:
"The Mississippi River is about 4,000 kilometers long. An M&M is about 1 centimeter long. There are 100 centimeters in a meter, and 1,000 meters in a kilometer.

"Estimate how many M&Ms it would take to measure the length of the Mississippi River. Estimate how many M&Ms you would eat if you had to measure the Mississippi River with M&Ms."

Back from my camp, but yesterday was a hard day for me to blog, so will start again today.

This camp made me realised of my incapibilities. And yes, i will have accept the facts. At this point of time, i really had nothing to say; for my doubts settled and questions answered. I'm just blanketed in much dismay, guilt and awfulness.

But as i comtemplated and wondered of the future, i began to get frightened and scared. For the road is fogged vividly and road undulating--road to hell. I will need to change quite a number of things on the way they are running. No matter what, to survive in this practical world, we need to build a Heaven in Hell's despair. The big hill infront of my road is my orientation aka recruitment drive.

After this camp, i got trashing from my parents and seniors, disappointment from my scoutsmates. What's more? Lots more, just covered by my misty road that lies far. Uncertainties uncountable, unpredictable.

The only conversation that i enjoyed was with TIC. He proved to be an understanding man. While my seniors are just scolding and scolding, making me do self reflecting, not caring how the hell i feel. But never mind, i brought it upon myself, and my problems ain't yours, right? I don't care too, i can just go and wonder off to Montfort, joining their scout troop. (An example)

Coming back, TIC let me say out my problems and inspirations for the future and for the camp. He did not rant nor sound depressed. But he did put his pieces nicely, building up the tempo in the conversation. And i let out things in my mind. The way he build rapport was far beyond my seniors, not to mention me.

i don't know why i can't stand such scoldings. Normally, i can and i allowed it. But imagine, attending three meetings saying the same old mistakes and agreed to change upon it infront of different people. It so sounds more of a cliche. Such a price to pay was unbearable, but that's the way to learn and i got to bear with it.

I'm scared. I'm unstable. I need help, but ironically, i refused any help. I can't bring myself to relate my problems, nor allow any empathetic nor sympathetic consolation. It's no use to my arrogant soul. Wonder why i'm like that.

But i know i had to change, as i mentioned lots of time earlier, and realisations to be practicalised. A brand new chapter, a new debut, a new stage and a new life. And to live up to new 'great expectations'.