The wing blew strong and the clouds hung high. Noontime seemed so much like a lovely dawn. Everywhere was cool and refreshing.

Tomorrow will be the only day i can have rest before the camp. And guess what, there will be a meeting. 'siong' man.Infuriating, our meeting is not that productive also. Full of craps, stress coming le, 'boi tahan' ar...die better man!

Unproductive meeting today. Lots of craps, will share with you quite a number of the craps in this post. Everyone very happy and bright, last meeting, yay! But soon the camp will come and we will suffer and 'malu' ourselves.

Crap number one, Bryan told TIC about my blog, TIC then kept pestering me, joking about my blog's content, 'jiu can bu qing' also, so i very the 'du lan', rebuffed by using my magic word, 'old chap'. And he left with no words.

Crap number two: Later on in the day, TIC came and pestered me again. Used some dialect to 'suan' me. Made me more 'pek chek', so i replied him with some nice words, which i won't say it over here. Don't wanna spoil my good image in this blog. Haha, jk.

Crap number three: We need accurate measurements during my camp, and measuring tape will do the job. But our only measuring tape is in our scout den library, so i will need to retrieve the library key from TIC. Thestory goes like this. I went to his office, and he ransacked his office for 10minutes and the key was not in sight. So we went to his car to begin with another round of rapid searching, but again to no avail. He scoured his bag in the car to find nothing. Then, i followed him back to the office where he searched his bag for another time, he found it, but he kept quiet. He made me walked down with him to the den, he then slowly open the library and redrawed the measuring tape for me. The whole process took 30 minutes.

Crap number four: Before the day ended, my junior whom also can't stand TIC's 'suaning' began to call him with strange names, all of us went hysterical. People always call old man 'Ah pek', and instead of 'Ah pek', one of the strange name was 'Ah (TIC's surname)'. Very fun, this joke immediately silenced him, afterwhich TIC scolded him back with some common dialect, like "bo tua bo shoi', 'lao peh bo ga le' Lame man.

But all the craps were meant as a joke, so if you are that kind of people who tolerate no nonsense, then ignore this post. But since you read till this point, and felt 'du lan', cool down, young man know their limits of jokes, so don't worry.

Went to beach road today to purchase items. Met some of RI friends over there, they are scouts, so i think they go there for the same purpose. Had some bargaining session over there, i very 'du lan', the overall cost $468.50. Totally ridiculous, we bought like cheap stuffs and it's impossible to pile up such astonishing amount!

So, me and the shop owner quarreled till very 'hiong', TIC can't stand so he admit defeat. Final reduction: 5% only. My time in scouting can be numbered and i bought such stupid stuffs that don't benefit me. Very the ''du lan'!

Was 'suaned' by TIC and scouts. TIC kept 'suaning' me about my teeth, saying that the front is a little 'popped-up', then continued saying that 'chio bu' won't look at me le. But my suaning skills ain't weak, i silenced him with the repetitive greetings of 'old
chap', the way Joe (the blacksmith) called Pip in the "great expectations".

Saw alot of Thais, they loither around void deck, placing mats and sit around forlicking with girls. TIC told me it's their culture, and they brought it to S'pore. But i don't know what 'wind' blew they here. Are they homeless? Made a great nuisance.

Can't find "tale of two cities" by Charles Dickens. Urgh, found one that is abridged by sopmeone else. Lousy library. Very 'chaim' man, i almost late for meeting coz' of that.

MY cousins came my house today. Had a good chat. One of them just finished her 'o' level. Then we started suaning each other till very the 'shiok'. She also very 'guai lan', always bully me and pinch me and slap me on my shoulder. She also very 'key siao', and the reason i will not say.

Last thing to mention, one moment of foolishness last night , and i gonna suffer for it. Not some prenancy thingy, but last night coz' of a friend, i made a silly deal with him. And i'm gonna die. He's bound to win. And again,t eh deal is too silly to state it down, let it just swirvell around my mind. Sometimes cannot help a friend till you can't help yourself. Terrible man. "si wu zhang shen zi di"...

Sorry for my singlish cum chinese cum vulgar cum english post if you don't like it. But it does add variation to my post, don't wanna flood this place with sadness. =)
Hope you enjoy, leave a note if you like it! A simple note will do. =)

The same old rountine continued. Fatigued people building gadgets in the sweltering sun and shivering rain. and the PL is getting a little crazy, he turned from jocund to cantankerous, jocund to glum, good to bad, and going to be worse, and perhaps worst.

Let's hope a tree come a crashing down on us while we are doing gadgets, then all of us turned unconscious, not knowing about everything, escaping mental and physical torture of the camp. Then, though all lying in hospital, in pathetic states, but we are happy, for we missed the camp.

Nonetheless, if we wanna escape the camp, a price has to be paid, and a heavy price indeed.

Today's meeting was a little uplifting. I managed to struggle my patrol to build a pole rack in 1hour 20minutes. But that's a nice and strong one. The second 'standard' gadgets we done so far. And though our backwoodman isn't that well done, but the rest did grap a glimpse of the idea and basics behind working with fire. We also managed to 'lorry' SRJC poles back to our school; another surprise, our dining table turned out to be a better and wonderful pole rack.

So with my thoughts and feelings uplifted, i began to feel a twinge of hope for the patrol. It was shocking today that my patrol today was different from the previous meetings, in terms of their attitude and productivity. And indeed, a good sign is shown. Maybe it's coz' of my perpetual whining and they got tired of it. =) (Just joking)

I think i know what's the problem. The leaders are too strict with the patrol and my patrol apparently can't stand strictness. So this meeting, taken charge by me with room of strictness varied, and the outcome turned out well. My theory worked. Don't wonder of this strange phenomena, but it just work well.

I did something very wrong today. I told someone off, without hesistating and comtemplating the consequences. Felt guilty and miserable. Maybe i think, it is due to the unstable state of mind i'm in. It's something like i'm in a deep crevice and unable to come out, and then i become mad and start banging the side of the crevice. The banging process have not actually debuted, but soon it will...

Vent Your Spleen, Live Longer
Nov 14 2003

FRIDAY, Nov. 14 (HealthDayNews) -- If you're mad and you show it, you might just live longer than those who simply seethe, new findings from an ongoing study of elderly priests and nuns show.

Researchers report those who failed to vent their spleens were twice as likely to die over a five-year study period. On the other hand, "the tendency to get angry and do something about it was not really related to mortality at all," says study co-author Robert S. Wilson, a professor of neuropsychology at the Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.

The 1,000 people in the Religious Orders Study came from all over the United States and included brothers in addition to priests and nuns. This isn't the first time they've made the news. In 2002, researchers announced those who kept their minds active appeared to be less likely to develop Alzheimer's disease.

In their new project, researchers examined the medical records of 851 subjects from 1994-2002. More than two-thirds were women, and their average age at the beginning of the study was 75.

The goal was to examine how expression -- or suppression -- of anger contributes to life span, Wilson says. "From the time of the ancient Greeks, people have thought that personality and the way you express your emotions are related to health. There's a long history of studying that in medicine."

But while studies have shown depression is related to shorter life spans and heart disease, there's less research into how people cope with negative emotions such as anger, Wilson adds.

The priests and nuns are an especially good group to study, he says, because they live in almost identical socioeconomic and social worlds.

He and his colleagues noted when some of the subjects died -- 164 of them did -- and looked at tests measuring their level of negative feelings and their ability to express it. Their findings appear in the current issue of the American Journal of Epidemiology.

Over an average period of five years, the 10 percent of the subjects with the greatest tendency to keep negative emotions bottled up -- those who "sit and stew" -- were twice as likely to die as the 10 percent on the other end of the scale.

The winners in the life-span sweepstakes were those who said, "'I get angry and I slam a door, I curse a lot,'" Wilson says.

Cursing? Priests and nuns? Yes, indeed. "The Catholic clergymen and nuns feel the full range of emotion that everybody else feels," he says.

For now, it's still unclear how anger management -- or the lack thereof -- affects health. "There are studies that suggest negative emotions have been related to cardiovascular disease, and it's possible the mechanism could be through that," Wilson says. "They've also been connected to immune function and hormonal changes in your brain."

Dr. John E. Morley, a professor of gerontology at Saint Louis University, says emotional outbursts "remain a better coping mechanism than internalizing and continuing to fret about the reason you are angry." Even so, he adds, people can find healthier ways of releasing their emotions.

"It is much better to be able to talk things through, but the old Saturday Evening Post cartoon of the husband yelling at the mother who yells at the kid who kicks the dog who bites the cat who claws the mouse remains a classical American coping strategy, no matter how non-politically correct it may be," he says.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm, nothing to comment, but just surprised. So now you got another reason to be angry! =) But, try not to be lah. Hate angry people, and i'm one of them. =) Hate myself!~

No more smiling countanaces on my face nowadays, except for a few forceful, reluctant ones when needed. I really need someone to talk to, if i wait till the time when i'm emancipated, it will be too late.

Nostalgia blanketed me just now, when i'm lying down on my bed, trying to think of something but i could not. I really want to return to the past, to the time when i'm in the phase of childhood. For that time, i never bother about time, and it seemed that i got the time in the world. Eat, sleep, play, shit, what else? But now it's different, all of us, i believe everyone reading this blog are stressed due to lack of time. It's a stupid feeling, but this is the world, reality and the stress is part and parcel of life.

And, the irony is here; Humans are stressed coz' of time, and time is 'invented' by humans. So why should we be stressed if we don't come out with the invention of 'time'? So let's ban clocks and watches and anything affiliated with time.

Geez, another crazy post, i admit i'm crazy nowadays too. Urgh, that's enough, okay, bye.

I typed a paragraph just now, and deleted it. I felt that i can't express myself well enough, and i'm sort of contradicting myself. And here i am, feeling strange and cantakerous. I don't know why though, but i wished for the answer. Why on earth there is feelings? Why not feelings consists only of positive ones, and eradicate the negative ones?

Perfection

In my depression state, I began to think what perfection is. For my camp, everything requires perfection. So i sat down now in my room, staring into the far horizon, giving my fullest thoughts. I began to realise how incomplete we are, how fragmented we are, and we are far from perfect. And so how can we compete with people who are close to or attained perfection?

But as i think and ponder and stare at the park, i realised that i need not comprehend what perfection is, but rather how we can attain perfection. Coz' even if i got the picture of perfection, it won't help me in anything. So change my stream of thoughts and comtemplated about the problems we faced, and the right path is shown.

Pride plays a important role to get things well done, or in this case, perfection. And practices too. But both are limiting factors, as time is short and members attitude is abit enigmatic--for they work hard a moment and heck care for 'five' moments--and nothing really gets done.

Senior's great expectations are a subset of perfection, and thus the great expectations ain't really hard to acheive, but the high expectations still can't be reached.

And as i continue to think and stare into the horizon, calmness surged through me, and for a split second, i felt different. And i believe that it was the cause of nature--the trees were green and standing, air was still, clouds positioned in random part of the sky, light rays dimly shone through the clouds and hitting lightly on the grass--everything seemed to come to a standstill, just like time stopped for a moment, everywhere turned quiet and transquil. It was the feeling of nature's perfection! It was the feeling of nature's perfection!

From that, i got the meaning of perfection, which is, a state of mind when you become utterly wordless for a second and awestruck for the next, and followed by frenzied reactions due to a mental ecstasy of the brain.

Geez, i turned a serious post to an amusing one. "Censor" the last part away. =)

Let's talk about something funny, to steer off the gloominess in this very blog.

I was in a rush this afternoon, carrying two bags of twigs meant for my backwoodsman cooking down with me from my house, i met this NJC girl whom took the same lift with me. And her strange glances on my bags of twigs made me exceptionally uneasy. And maybe my clumsy movements handling those 'sticking out twigs' attributed to her strangeness upon me. So even before the door opens, my face red with embarrassment, i dashed out with inconceivable rapidity and vanished beyond sight. She must have wondered, if this guy carrying two bags of twigs, eccentric.

My day again was filled with unfulfilments. Productivity decreases tremondously. But one thing, i managed to finish the entire volume of 'great expectations'. Will then start on biology essay questions tomorrow, if i got the time.

Much to my dismay, as our dear patrol was not cooperating. For some members shows no allegiance; and we, as a patrol, had worked together but with untogetherness. I failed my role as the team's leader. Nevertheless, there are a couple of days left, but little, for me to boost morale and team-work. Either i like it or not, i would have to strive, and work for the best, for the school and to the group.

Scenes of the incoming NPC kept flashing in my mind. Words cannot tell what a sense i had, at the same time, of the dreadful mystery that the camp was to me. And the more my mind thinks, i began to feel the abyss between other schools and us. The insensate expectations was more of deepening the abhorrence i have for the camp.

As i contemplate by the accompaniment of the night sky, with the stars pulsing above me, i felt a sense of warmth, especially when i recollect the scenes of star wars. And the phrase "may the force be with you" seemed a reassuring one, but will the force be with me? For once and ever? Till the stars lost its pulsing ability and the lake lost its tranquility?

Really doubting my concentration lifespan. Braindead, as usual for the past three days, for my meetings had been long and windy. Today, the leader's council clocked 5.5 hours. The smiling countenance on my face doesn't show my burning yearn to escape. Stiffness surged through my whole body; like a witch changing a victim to a stone, and the victim suffered in agony. The victim, in this case, holding a calm and slimy blue pen, staring straight into the speaker's mouth, but not comprehending much of his very speech. A presence in the meeting which doesn't make of much difference, for his mind is filled with plans to escape. A rest is needed, to relieve tensed muscles and braindeadness, for endurance will not run much further anymore.

But to much of the victim's unluckiness, he couldn't escape so fast, maybe perhaps after the full moon again drooped and crescent shines. And maybe one month later, the victim will have reminiscing thoughts about the continuous torture, for the torture might results in success emanating, and thereafter the victim will be emancipated.

Hallucination really 'possesses' me. When i'm going for my NPC meeting at Potong Pasir at 6pm, i got down three stops ahead of my destination. I thought i saw the buildings designs of Potong Pasir, and i'm wrong. And my hallucinations did not end here, i began seeing images of the buildings one bus-stop ahead. After walking to the next bus-stop, i had not reach my destination, and this illusion happened again. After walking three bus-stops ahead, then i reached my destination. Three bus-stops is the length of the whole Bidadari Cemetery. Is ghosts playing a trick on me? Haha. I'm infuriated with myself at my stupidity. Guess what? I took 15minutes to cover the whole distance, which i think its the speed of frequent joggers around that area.

My meeting ended at 10pm, and it's another night that i came home alone, the first was yesterday with my strange encounters. Is something happening to me?

But maybe today's hallucination was because of my tiredness. I did not have a tinge of rest until 3-5pm when i hastily came home and had a bath. Saw Faizal and Mohammed, Serangoon adult leaders, during my HQ NPC meeting. IT was lame, the camp chief made us go all the way there for just a half-an-hour meeting. Absolutely lame. I believe this NPC will be a cocked-up camp, and i hope it will be so.

I have not touched on my work after completing my combined humanities, maybe for my Great expectations. And i will have Physics lesson throughout next week, and afternoon will be occupied by scout meetings. Then night time will be for me to do NPC plannings and schedules. Where got time for homeworks and leisure?

But despite of my rush schedule, i will take up some courses and workshops to keep myself more busy. And perhaps, by then, i can stop revolving my life around scouting which is getting out of my interests.

Argh, my e-mails, i had not open my mails yesterday. And it accumulated to a large number today. Most are junk mails and the only useful ones are my newsletters and forums, but i only found one science newsletter and a query mail from Jessica and the rest are junk mails.

Junk mails are lame. Some people have too much time to just write some craps and sent it to me. Junk mails filter don't really work, to filter off all those junks which is clogging up my inbox. Maybe some clever genius can design a highly selective junk filter that can just dump all those ridiculous mails straight into my trash bins, and those junk-mails creators efforts will just be wasted, but who cares? =)

And forwarded meaningless mails often ends in my hands.

I've been falling into the habit of oversleeping after the chalets. And because of that, i've not been productive these few days. After a deep, long sleep this afternoon, i went for a NPC meeting with Kumanan and Darren--an impromptu meeting--resulting in my incomplete Biology TYS. I wanted to finish both MCQs and structured by today. And if i had not overslept, i would have done it.

Well, no point regretting, i'm now stuck over here searching for a suitable model for tomorrow's catapult programme. And perhaps after that, i would try and complete my Bio TYS till i dropped dead on my bed.

Upon returning home at the dead hours of the night, i vaguely saw two guys sitting on the rounded table below my block, and i also heard some sounds in that direction too (a talking voice).
Two dark figures seen from afar seemed to disappear at the moment i approaches them. And guess what? They were three cats over there, looking at me in a mysterious fashion. Disbelieving my sight, i looked around the oblongs around my block, and everything was quiet and tranquil. Not caring, i walked away, and i heard some sounds coming from there again, and it seemed to be louder.I turned around, and found the three cats gone. Nowhere in sight. Before i went into the lift, i took a last glance, again nothing was seen. A gale came and a purr jingled in my ears, a purr that seemed to be from faraway.

Well, maybe i'm still tired. And hallucination had taken over me. Walking alone at night is fun and nice, but having such strange hallucinations accompanying my walk home was never fun. It left me with a twinge of mysteriousness and eerieness. But well, luckily my hallucination did not end by seeing two figures at my last glance, or else the eerieness will be dubled.

The previous post was quite nice. Won't give much comments on it, coz' i'm braindead after a 4 hours bio lesson. The lesson was easy though, so i raced through the TYS questions while teacher was explaining. But i still had alot more questions to go.

And "William Corner" replied. Well, of course a bad one. He can't post comments, simply because i've blocked him off my commenting services. Thanks to Qinqin for the tip. =) I didn't bother to reply him, i wouldn't waste my time for that. So if you are reading my blog, you should be happy that i did not display your name, and stop pestering me.

I feel in love with an article yesterday. If you are a casualty in an accident, and get severely injured, with permanent damages, would you say "Why it must be me?"?
Put it in another way, you and your friend met a lion, and one guy would have to sacrifice in order to distract the lion. Will you volunteer to be the one to help distract the lion? Of course, there are other factors to ponder before taking the risk, like your family and friends who will not bear to part with you.

And after giving it a thought, i began to like the scouting way of "one for all, all for one." In that situation above, i would not leave my friend behind, or rather, both of us find a solution to kill the lion.

It need not be the case also, "easier said than done" like the poverb says, the stress and the want to live might turn my decision otherwise. It's hard to say, coz' no matter how much thought or imagination you put yourself in that situation, you can never acheive the "real" effectds.

Ohh, a contradictory paragraph, i think i had indeed confuse you. But well, if you wanna know how loyal your friend is, try this experiement. =) Oh gosh, i'm indeed mad after typing such craps. Sorry. =) Still got the cheek to smile, scolding myself...

Paradox of life

>>the paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings
>>but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
>>we spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
>>we have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but
>>less time.
>>we have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less
>>judgment,
>>more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
>>
>>we drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too
>>little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too
>>tired, read too little, watch telly too much, and pray too seldom.
>>we have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
>>we talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
>>we've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
>>we've added years to life not life to years.
>>
>>we've been all the way to the moon and back,
>>but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
>>we conquered outer space but not inner space.
>>we've done larger things, but not better things.
>>we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
>>we've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
>>
>>we write more, but learn less.
>>we plan more, but accomplish less.
>>we've learned to rush, but not to wait.
>>we build more computers to hold more information, to produce more
>>copies than ever,
>>but we communicate less and less.
>>
>>these are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
>>big men and small character, steep profits and shallow
>>relationships.
>>these are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses,
>>but broken homes.
>>these are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway
>>morality,
>>one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything
>>from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
>>
>>it is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing
>>in the stockroom.
>>a time when technology can bring this letter to you,
>>and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to
>>just hit delete.
>>
>>remember, spend some time with your loved ones,
>>because they are not going to be around forever.
>>remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe,
>>because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
>>remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you,
>>because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and
>>it doesn't cost a cent.
>>
>>remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones,
>>but most of all mean it.
>>a kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside
>>of you.
>>remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that
>>person will not be there again.
>>give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Part II

My sleep on that night was terrible, as said in my previous post. I got up a while later with a throbbing headache, so i threw myself down on the mattress that Alvin was sleeping. Clement shared with us too, leaving me squashed in the middle. Clement was a nice, warm and comfortable cushion, i slept with my legs over his body. Hah! He was too dead like a log.

Dawn approached, and the temperature again raised. The room was humid. But all of us stoned there, not wanting to move anywhere. Hee, i'm among the earliest that woke up. Reason being i came yesterday, and not the day before yesterday. =)

Went for a morning ride with Hao Tong to return the bike. Well, they borrowed two bike for the night. (they=Hao Tong and Clement, clement refused to get up from bed.)

Wanting to know direction to Aranda, where my former class chalet was, we trie to check the place out. Getting to the main road, we were curious about what led uphill. At first, we thought there must be some road that will lead us back in some mysterious fashion back to the our chalet, but we were wrong. After travelling the arduous uphill road, we were exhausted. It led us to nowhere, it ended up with a construction site, and the workers were surprised indeed to see two jokers here.

Downhill was fun, cool and shiok! =) And then, i understood the meaning of "enjoying the fruit of labour". Haha. The whole trip took us about 30 minutes.

Though it's 10 in the morning, people were still sleeping (No one is time-conscious in chalets). Clement, hee, he was still sleeping, he looks real cute. =) haha.

Joining my former class guys in Aranda, 4 of us went cycling again. They gave the idea, not me. I'm already quite tired of cycling, but it's always better than loitering around arcade, a place where i never play for a long long time. The loud, booming noise disgusted me enough.

We cycled around Pasir Ris Park twice. I fell once, for my gears weren’t responding. Feeling bored, we ventured out to road again. They of course were intimidated for a road cycle. And i don't want to really cycle on the road for heaven sake, the traffic was enough to kill us all. So, we travelled on the pavement, and so i brought them off to explore Pasir Ris estates.

I started off with a simple pavement ride, followed by the treacherous road ride where Hao Tong and i went that morning. I managed to get up the steep slope without stopping again. Yay! 2 of us were struggling. Not accustomed to the road yet, i guessed.

Whizzed downhill and brought them around Pasir Ris chalet to Greenview Secondary, to community centre, to a mall nearby, then to White Sands primary, back to White Sands, then back to kiosk. I led as if i knew the way, moving around attracting strange glances from the public. Despite that, we enjoyed i hope, though they complained it was tiring. More of a 3 hour Physical Training.

Chee How fell down while returning back to chalet. Knowing that the paveway was narrower than normal, he played with the bushes at the side. And suddenly, he shouted "razor leave", god knows what for, maybe he's dreaming he is in Pokemon Land, hah! So after the gasping exclamation, he fell. And worst, the guy behind him, Chee Kiang, knocked him further, coz' he was travelling too near with Chee How. (How could you laugh, so bad!) But well, i did laugh, a grin perhaps. Its hysterical, with Chee Kiang's comical actions, the pathetic scene was enhanced with humor. Nigel, travelling far behind, coz' of his cramped legs, stuck in the middle of the road for the same reason. Too bad i wasn't there, it must be comical too. Hah! I'm bad, i know.

Soon, night fell and i wandered home. My blacking-out mind was slowly taking over me. The chalets were okay, satisfactory. Better than what i expected.
Achievements:
1) Around 6 hours of cycling. (4 Hours of road cycling) And my legs cramp...
2) Around 5 hours BBQing.

Yay! I'm back from my chalets. And i hope the lack of one day's post will much affects you! =)

Okay, i went to my present class chalet yesterday and stayed through for the night. Upon reaching there, we watched a ghost story which made no sense to me, because i'm more interested in the girls next door. Hee, my radar is working, and it will help me notice for sure. Okay, after the movie and defeaning screaming of the girls, it's time for BBQ.

Okay, being a scout and experiences in BBQs, i strongly object the use of solid fuel to start up a fire. And well, our school girl guide company leader and red cross company leader and two NPCC guys are there, and i believe they knew the bad effects of using the poisonous 'white thing' for BBQ. So, i did not really bother to question them, as it might lead to misunderstandings. Understand? They took almost 50 minutes.

I felt happy, because this was the first and only campfire i'm not helping out in setting up the fire and cooking. But this happiness fell short. Feeling quite bad about not helping them, i pulled Alex Zhang to do something around the BBQ pit. But in the end, i and Alex stayed from 8.30pm all the way till 1am at the BBQ pit cooking food. =(

Its the worst and longest time ever spent burning myself in the oven-like BBQ pit. Its fiery hot and sooty and greasy. Yucks. I did enjoyed myself, despite the stuffiness near the oven. Enjoyed myself? Haha. I spent almost an hour 'suaning" Alexandra about how different now-a-days women from the past. hee...no offence!

After Alexandra went home in a haste, i began talking to a group of 'amiable' DHS girls who stayed next door. Conversation kindled easily, but lasted abruptly. So we, returned back to silence. Hearing the cracking sound of charcoal and red hot ambers.
They were from symphonic band and a year younger than me, and the chalet was for their band sec2 members.

I did dump my cooking work aside and left for a cycling tour with Hao Tong. He brought me through the roads and curves, and familiarised me with the surroundings.
Hee, that's cool. That's the first time i cycled on the road.

After clearing the shits left lying around the BBQ pit, i went for another ride with Clement. And that was a good one. For I told him quite a number of uncomfortable things in my mind which i found unsafe to mention it out here. And it was another 'road cycle'. We went roughly the same route as Hao Tong brought us. Afterwhich we then ventured out to the main road. For those who think we were nuts, i guessed you are right! The traffic was low, close to none, and so two mad cyclists raced through the main roads like nobody's business. That's fun!

The ride lasted for another hour, before we came back and watch again the ghost movie. But still i still did not grasp what was happening. Maybe it's because the girls were shouting incoherently.It ended 2hours later, sigh. I almost fell asleep, as almost everyone was. So only a few survivors survived through the movie. Jocelyn, the chairwoman of the chalet, requested me to start the fire again, to boil the leftover curry. Me and Kah Yee and Jocelyn spent around 30minutes setting up a huge amount of orange-red ambers. It was the best so far. The rest whom were not asleep were either playing 'tai-dee' or blasting music into guys whom were 'knocking-out'.
Soon after the curry boiled, a feast started again.

After eating and playing, some of the survivors blacked out. The peace and quietness of that place was disrupted by Clement and me. We basically talked about the chinese swordsmen storybook "tian long ba bu". He's reading the comic version. I can't consider him as a spoiler, coz' i asked him to tell me briefly the continuation of the story. And my interest raised, the interesting part has yet to come! =)

And when the time clocked five-thirty, i sat on a chair, with my left leg crossed, hands suporting my cheekbone, head tilting right and leaning towards the wall. A moment passed, i fell into a horrible, numb-filled, painful sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part one ended, part two will be posted shortly. =)

Well, knowing vaguely who William corner was, was the worst feeling i felt today. Of course, William was the pseudo-name of someone, whom i would not say, or else other people reading my blog will be astonished. He, is the same guy whom kept changing his MSN as mine all the time. A guy, from my former class, i guessed.

I spent half an hour, angry and perturbed and disgusted, and thinking of changing the url of my present blog. But with anger lingering in me, how could i rack my brain for the new url? And i can't bear to part with my 'spacetravel1234' nickname which i indeed loved alot. Changing a url coz' of him and cause inconvenience for me was not practical and rationale.

After half-an-hour 'ranting' to Jessica and Bryan and huimin and disbelieving (thanks for hearing me out), we reach a consensus on letting my url stay as it is. My anger is gone now, for the moment, and hope forever. I do hope i can forgive him, but i can't stand people who trick me, bluff me, kept me in the dark for so long. Its utterly terrible, the fiery countenance on my face was bad.

Sigh, wail, crestfallen is a nice word to describe my feeling now. And it's long since people tricked me for such a long time. Normally tricked were thwarted easily, for me. If you don't like the feeling of being cheated, nor i do. My feelings are not reciprocal to yours. We are all humans and we do feel the same.

No point scolding you. Its worthless, though it helped me waste calories shouting and barking. (i'm not overweight, so for what wasting precious calories?) Who cares who you are, your inferiority towards me is no good. Never feel inferior to anyone, nor being too complacent of yourself. That's my golden advice for you. And you should be happy to leave unscathed.

Okay, you win, and my another golden advice:
No rebuttal from you, nothing from you. Be normal, i don't need you to come criss-crossed in my own social life. If you don't have one, so be it! Don't mess up my life. "Or else, i will tie you up, kill you, and hide the body somewhere, dump your body off shore." quoted somewhere, ;) But of course, i won't do that! Unless, perhaps, if, you, proke, me, further.

Plus, if i could block you, i certainly would. I won't hesistate. But, i can't, it's the bad point of setting up a public blog. I can't stop the number of people reading my blog. Heed my advices.
"big sea no end, turn is land".

I can officially declared my phase of tiredness is over. But i'm confused. I just confirmed dates for my future meeting and pre-camp for NPC. And i realised that i can make it for my class chalets. But the chalet just started just an hour ago. I told them previously that i can't make it for both of the chalets, except for BBQ.

I know my time management skills sucks. And i'm now trying to plan my time wisely, so as to not waste more money and precious time. I never like chalets, normally everyone won't have a good time--in organising wise and people's characters-- but perhaps otherwise, unless you go with a very good group of guys.

Well, now that i had made up my mind. I will stay a night tomorrow in my present class chalet and another night in my former class chalet. But, mixed emotions still filled me; if i go for my chalets, i can't spend my day visiting the human display with my brother who had a day off for 'don't know what' reasons the school gave.

Coming back from my chalets on Wednesday night, i will need to hastily prepare for my scout meeting on Thursday. And luckily, Friday i'm free, for my appointment with Aaron to watch the matrix revolution and maybe view the huamn display and talk trash for a day. Maybe i will invite her down to return my books, not for the Matrix show but for the human exhibition. And Saturday, my normal scout meeting resumed as usual. Sunday will be time for me to finish my english assignments.

See, my days are packed. And yay! Homeworks are the uppermost of my mind, just beneath it will be scout activities, need to get rid of both of them, knock them down before the word 'fun' resurfaced from my playful mind. But, i know, this will not happen till maybe the second week of December, for the tons of work i had to do.
Of course, if you are so free, rotting at home, feel free to help me with my homeworks.
=) Maybe, i will pay you money for it. haha...
This job is highly-recommended. =P

So much of talking, will need to get back to my work. And if you can't see posting for the next two days, i'm not dead, but on holiday in chalet.

Yay! I'm done with my physics graphs...
But i still didn't do acheive much today...
Just play and read and play again...

And i finsished scanning my whole C drive...
Took me quite a long time, my computer is full of trashs...
And lots of unused pictures...

The ghoulish display is now on in expo hall 1...
Of course, i won't give it a miss...
Will either view them with family or with friends...
Its a display showing human organs, circulatory systems, muscles, etc...
Water is removed and replaced by plastic...
And its freaky and disgusting...
so if you are interested, enter at your own risk...
No guarantee that you will enjoy your food for 10 days or more...
BEWARE!

Will watch matrix revolution on next Friday, perhaps there is nothing on for me...
But in the meantime, i'm just too free...(of course not to mention of my homeworks)...
And i need to fork out 2 sundays for open sea scuba diving...
Apparatus will cause a bomb...

I'm still quite energetic, and perhaps i'm recovering from my 'tired' syndrome...
Perhaps, i can get well soon...
Or perhaps not...

Will sleep now, and tomorrow i'll have a brand new day...
Wah, i do sounds optimistic...
Unlike me....
I'm possessed!!!
(huh? Hope did i mange to type this far, as i'm thinking of another thing...*shiver*)

Just done with a report for my investiture. Yawnx...
And guess what! Nothing really bad happened to me today...
Though i felt very tired after the event which ended at 7pm...

Just somewhat sad, but too tired to bother...
And i'm tired of getting tired...
How i wish i could return to my normal self...
TIC told me my tiredness was mental and not physical...
And i realised that mental tiredness do affects me physically...

And sad? Why sad?
Its not coz' of the suaning i tolerated just now...
But, i seriously don't know why...
Maybe i will need someone to open out my mind to see what's inside...
What can make me feel happy when i have piles of work to do, and worst, i'm procrastinating all the time....

Sigh, a sudden realisation dawned upon me today...
I felt that recognition and compliments are very important...
Imagine someone who worked for so long, and done so much to achieve greater heights, gets nothing in return...
Of course, that person will feel sad and perturbed...

Unfortunately, i might have treated people like this...
But i usually give some credits, but not enough...
I felt bad about it...
And that's why i complimented Darren, the chairman, so much in my report just now.
It was meant deep down in my heart and this might be a few times i'm doing it, coz' he really deserved my complimentations....

Well, i might say, i received little recognition too...
People forget me when i'm not needed, and lick my boots when they need my help...
I know, this is the human selfish trait, but it do hurts great time...
Being a kind soul, i often helped them...

Maybe guys kept their compliments to themselves, and never reveal it...
just like me, a sadist, not wanting people to feel happy and proud for themselves...
And i will change!

Still feeling braindead and tired, i would not whine further, maybe a good, peaceful night sleep will help...
If only, i'm able to sleep...
If only, all my subconscious unhappiness vanished...
If only, if only, life does not seem so sorrowful...
If only............

Suffered from insomnia last night. Instead of sleeping before midnight, i read my 'great expectations' till 1.30am...
And i spent my next half hour thinking and reflecting on nothing...

I suddenly realised that i kept lots of things to myself. And i believe that its one of the reasons of my fatigued-self now. I want rest! And guess what, tomorrow will be investiture.

I can't even work and concentrate for 3hours. And tomorrow, i will be, toiling and toiling, non-stop till 5pm. Luckily, the investiture comittee is in good shape, and guys doing their part. And me, being the manpower I/C for the day, will have a crucial part to play tomorrow. Please don't blame me if i can't follow instructions. Please don't blame me if i can't think of solutions in time. Please don't blame me if i missed something in place. Please don't blame me. Please don't blame me. But well, i knew all the time, 'you' will blame me for sure.

I'm panting hard at this moment. I don't know why. But don't worry, i'm fine.

Today i was scolded by a few people for no apparent reasons. Well, i'm too tired to think of anything to retaliate. So i just stood dumbfounded, staring blankly. My voice shook and trembled when i spoke to the sec1s, and i don't know why either. Despite my attempts to help the rest in gadgets-making, etc, it was to no avail. And knowing my pathetic state, i tried to look normal and avoided communications.

What's worst? The mixed emotions is killing me. I know i'm feeling and thinking of something, but i just can't interpret it. I forced myself to be in deep concentration to try to make some sense of what i'm thinking, but also to no avail. My head hurts, my breathing is abnormal, my hand is cold and clammy, my muscles are tight and stretched, my cheekbones are numb, my toes are shaking (more like vibrating).
Sounds bad huh?

Can't afford to even have an afternoon nap, i got to rush through my yearly attendance report for sec1s. TIC gave me a form today and asked me to complete it by tomorrow. He's going to compile another huge pile. People offered their kind help to me, but i'm scared that it might create more trouble, coz' i know i knew my work best. If they help me and finished with a slip-shot work, then i'm the one that will be doomed. And wail, wail, wail, am i dying soon? I looked so old in the inside, though my outside is all otherwise and false.

And another nightmare, MCs wanted me to sing two to three songs during an interval of the investiture. Such last minute thing! My voice croaked. How am i suppose to sing, though i sang on stage thrice, and won nothing. :p
But i got to push myself on, take up this stupid task, and complete the rest of my work! I know, that it will sure tires me more. And tomorrow will be a long day. Pray god (though i'm a free thinker, an expression! :p) , that nothing will happen to me tomorrow. Pray, pray and pray. And i hope there will be a miracle tomorrow.

Yes. I'm utterly exhausted. I'm just not my usual self. Went to school twice in the morning. I always thought my stamina was good, but it wasn't true. My face turned a little pale, though its not obvious, coz' i'm tanned. =)

Suddenly i feel like going to sleep. A deep sleep, without dreams i hope. Dreams, these few days, had been bad ones. And it tormented me at night. Resulting in tomorrow's insomnia.

I had lost my efficiency doing things. I only finished 5 graphs in 2 hours. That's terrible. I expected to finish 9 graphs in one hour at least. Well, maybe i'm just crazy. I just want to finish everything and enjoy in peace.

2 more days to investiture. I'm not the one in charge this time, to my delight. And i had complete trust in the organiser, but somehow i felt strange. Maybe i should just let go and them do with it.

My friends always commented that i'm really a busy man. I knew i am, but am i enjoying being a busy man? Obviously not. Maybe i should just slow my pace down, slow down in whatever i'm doing, not going like an aeroplane but a train, and at least i get to enjoy the scenery and enjoy the company of people around me. People; my lief had come to a speed that i made only hi-bye friends, no time for words, no time for a pat on the back, no time for a cheeky smile, no time for winks. Maybe it just that i don't bother, too tired to bother. For this week, i had been returning to school almost everyday, and guess the number of people i smiled and winked at? Less than 10. My anti-social life is really bad.
Slow down, slow down! But can i?

Don't know what to say. Braindead. And yay, matrix revolution is out yesterday. And i got another extra reason to catch a movie! But well, sometimes i don't even make appointments with people. Scouts are notorious for our impromptu meetings. And thus my life is packed with scouts, studies and scouts...

Enjoy when you are young. I don't seem to be enjoying. I wish i can take a break out of everything.

Tired. Tired of scouting. Tired of studying. Tired of living. Tired of everything. Can i afford to loosen one strain of my muscles? Well, don't bother about me whining away.
And i know i'm acting strangely these days, but i'm okay. =)

Night air chills....
And since awoken from my sleep during the holidays, i would like have a to-do lists to help me with my holiays assignments...

1) Complete 9 Physics reports
2) Complete English hols assignments
3) Complete Chinese hols assignments
4) Finish Great Expectations
5) Other schools physics exam papers
6) Chinese assessment book
7) Investiture skit and play
8) Class forum updating
9) Scout Standard test paper
10) "Tian long ba bu" book 4 and 5
11) Chemistry hols assignments
12) Organise gathering for 20Nov
13) Sign up for courses
14) Other investiture logistics and plannings
15) Scuba apparatus
16) Miscellaneous

Wow! That's a lot. I'm gonna die!

Blimey, i made a big, darn mistake...
Its was my fault, entirely my fault...
Trying to cool down at this very moment, adrenaline flowing furiously throughout my whole body...

TIC and second teacher-in-charge are not free tomorrow coz' of invigilation...
And the fact is that scout meeting will be going on tomorrow too...
Its terrible, this meeting is known as the 'final' preparation for investiture...
And there am i, ruining up this whole 'nicely-preplanned' meeting coz' i forgot to ask TIC for his exams timetable despite umpteen reminders.

Shou shi can ju...
Was scolded of course, its was not the usual me in other people's eyes...
I am seen now as an unreliable freak...
Scolded from TIC, Darren and Kumanan...
Kumanan was plainly disappointed, lost the trust in me, i believe?

So i spent the last half hour activating our lousy 'patrol messages'...
But for this time, it went effectively, maybe due to the fact that i conveyed the messages to those leaders by a loud, booming tone...
Terrible, but if anything still goes wrong, my head might roll...

But its not so easy telling people that the meeting is off...
Imagine what they would think? Well....
Apart from that, i would need to settle all the investiture logistics and alter all their planning once again...

Phew, waiting for more calls...
And more disappointment awaiting...
Once bitten, twice shy; hope i won't make such a damn blunder next time...

This folly resulted in everyone's inconvenience...
And it of course, made me feel guilty...
Sometimes, because of one mistake, people distrust you...
Well, its not as bad in my case...
But whatever, this incident woke me up from my dreamy state during the holidays...
Blessing in disguise? Not so....

Your Dream House is a Mansion!
You are driven by power, and feel the need to have
a rich, luxurious life. Therefore a stately
mansion is the best house you can ever get.
Don't get too hooked on your riches, though...
Money isn't everything.


What is Your Dream House?
brought to you by Quizilla

That shows my materialistic nature! Sobx...
Well, it doesn't seem like one! =)

Quote of the day:
"Use a mirror in difficult times, you will see both the cuase and resolution."

Jeffrey Wong

Maybe i need to add a little of happiness into my blog. Felt bad after my last post. =(

I'm impressed by the way my class do work. Its super-efficient. 10 practicals that were needed to be completed in two days were done before the given time slot of the first day itself.
And i admit, i'm among the slowest. Well, i'm sped up quite fast during the first four experiments, i started to deccelerate after Mr Amos, my Physics teacher, told me he wanted my reports of all the experiments so that he can set up a powerpoint presentation of my work to conduct a debrief for the class and maybe for the next year's batch of Pure Physics students.

Firstly, i never expect him to ask me to do that. Well, there are lots of better guys out there in my class, and hmm...i better not carry on. Can't be always lack of confidence. =)
Secondly, my practical skills are always sub-standard. I'm smeone lacking in common sense whihc this very 'skill' is essential in practicals.
Maybe, maybe, maybe my Science Practical Assessment was the highest?

And thus i would need to submit my reports to Amos as soon as possible. Very happy, it stops me from procrastinating. =)

After practicals, i went down to Toa Payoh Entertainment Centre for my scouts impromptu meeting. Met like more than 12 students from my school. Toa Payoh is too small a place to disallow coincidence to happen. Coz' of my shy nature, i avoided quite a number of them. Was spotted by Belinda during meeting, of course, i waved at them. So cute, pointing and pointing, like i'm some gods from the sky (I'm on second storey and they were on the first). Its natural to get excited seeing friends around.

And thus quote of the day:
"Coincidence creates excitment."

Spacetravel1234

=)

Everyone on this earth has the responsibility to contribute to the society. And i believe that if someone is useless to the society, its somewhat equivalent to death. Maybe to the exception of those who helped to benefit others in a way or another.

I mean such useless people are redundant in the world, wasting our world's resources. Well, you might feel that its quite a sensitive issue, and i knew it is, but its something we face in reality.

Well, if an old man don't help to take care for grandchildrens, nor other acceptable reasons that benefits others, he don't really deserve to stay put on earth.
Can't bear the pain of seeing him go? Well, people die. Plus, he is just aking an extra share of the world's everything. Its not fair for those childrens in third-world country whom don't have anything. Hmm...old age do matters.

But it does not necessarily means that such people must die! I mean, if we know we are useless, we should just go to heaven and rest in peace. Its the responsibility.
And those people whom disabled themselves in an early age through accidents or whatsoever reasons, should also just go RIP. Geez, Its cruel, but its the world, and the world is like that.

I know that my post had shown my sadistic nature. The world states everything with contributions.

I know i will receive lots of bombardments in the comments section, but let's give it a thought, think in terms of the world's context, the big picture. And i believe you might agree on that too. Batteries are thrown away when they are not working, and its the same logic.

However, i hope, no one commit suicide after reading this sadistical post. =)

"I used to think that humans could stand alone. That we didn't need people, nor history, nor any sense of place. But maturity brings a bitter kind of wisdom. Do you need any sense of belonging to feel complete? Once, I would have answered in the negative without hesitation; I'm no longer so sure now. There's a reason why people stick to their own kind -- why Singaporean students in Australia and the UK and everywhere else join SingSocs and hang around almost exclusively with their own people. It's all about belonging, about having a sense of identity that comes with knowing that you belong to someone, to somewhere. Identity grows from knowing where you come from, and not from knowing where you want to be. I used to believe that individuals found their identities from standing apart, from leaving their people behind, but the more I see, the more the opposite seems to be true -- you find yourself not by leaving, but from being able to integrate."

Adapted from Disbelieving's blog

Maybe we should spend some time thinking about it. It can be related back to friends. You would rather stick to friends than to mix with outsiders, and yes, it do happens to me sometimes, "belonging" is the culprit behind it. And "belonging" blocked the pathway of knowing new people and cultures. Plus, I believe Singaporeans have a strong sense of belonging, coz' of that, seldom people venture out to other countries. Is belonging a good or bad thing?

I finally believe that my efficiency rate is above average...
I finished my Social Studies elective homework in 5hours...
That's incredibly fast. I thought i would take the whole night to complete it...
Or maybe i'm just excited to finish my "tian long ba bu" third book after my SS assignments?
Okay, whatever, one homework down...
And i left my triple sciences and languages...

Never like homework...
And of course i know you too! =)
So i loves to end my agony by finishing all before December...
And apart from homework, i would need to prepare for my National Camp Competition and orientation next year and lessons for sec1 scout standard and books...

In the midst of all that, i forked out time to make my NRIC...
My father asked me to, or else i will continue procrastinating... =)
Later, i went to Toa Payoh Entertainment Centre for a heavy and refreshing lunch...
Visited Toa Payoh Library after that, with dad and his friend...
Well, i do not have an IC and i can't borrow books...
So i would need to use my father's IC...
Borrowed a Charles Dickens book, Great Expectations...
And i'm supposed to return on 27th November! That's so crazy.
A friend recommended Dickens book to me some days ago...
Actually i got an irresistable temptation to read Great Expectations last year, but something happened and resulted in me walking off empty handed...

Finishing the last chapter of "tian long ba bu" book 3 soon...
Can't call it the episode coz' its still not the end, two more books to go...
And i'm reading olden characters of chinese, wail.........

And soon, i will start wailing more...
My Scuba course will be starting soon instead of December...
And yay! December! My only free month of the year!

Quote of the day:
"Solitude is the profoundest fact of human."

(extracted from Lonely Ham's blog)

I began doing some self-reflection today...
And suddenly realised that what TIC said yesterday during our troop meeting was true...
If you reject an offer from your leader to participate in an event once, its still okie...
And the second offer came, you still rejected it...
do you think you would receive a third offer from your leader?
The answer is obvious...
The logic seemed simple but saddening...
Put it this way, if you reject an offer from your friend to watch a movie once, its okie...
And the second offer came, you still rejected it...
There won't be a third time and your friends will just abandon you...

It seemed to be a tired cliche, but suddenly, i just crashed on this resounding fact...
No matter what reasons i can justify, its just useless...
And the sudden realisation of my stupidity for not accepting their offers made me tremble, coz' the offer just came to a abrupt stop...
There is only myself to blame for my loneliness...

Self-denial--good or bad? I don't know...
perhaps its good and its bad...
But i believe that i'm around halfway inside a mirage...
Avoiding reality somehow, escaping from the truth...
Its quite different from the 'down-to-earth' me six months ago...
Maybe i'm been thinking too much...
Wondering why the society is like that, why the world is round...
It do saddens me, of course, i never like the way those politician do things...
And i swear i will never be a politician, but i know somehow my adult life will somehow change me to adapt to the society...
Its the human's best trait right? Adjust and adapt...
And yes, through this way ancient men survived the ordeals of natural disasters...
And yes, through this way human get rid of each other to climb to greater heights...

Self-sacrifice--will you do that for the majority?
Will you dare to voice out to anything that you are unhappy with?
I meant in bigger field, like the educational system, government, and other big bodies...
Think about it first...
Most guys will say don't know...
They don't accept the fact that they do not have the courage to do voice out...
Even though Singapore has something known as the freedom of speech, people still don't dare...
An example is the speakers' corner, only a few daredevils took up the challenge...
Do you dare to speak up to your superiors if you are working? How about telling your teacher she's wrong?
Normally, we do voice out in a small scale case, but when it comes to a bigger scale, we often chickened out...
And the fact that, only those who have the power and authority can speak out their mind...
An example is the creative software entrepreneur, Sim Wong Hoo, he came out with the NUTS (No U-Turn Syndrome)theory...
I do agree, but people listen to him coz' he is rich and influential...
That's how the world works...

Self-assessing, god or bad?
I believe that its good, but never overdo it...
You can't just assess yourself, you need some people to to act as a 'bench mark'...
And thus you compare yourself with others, and ultimately improves yourself...
but sometimes, knowing you fell short of your expectations, you felt bad...
It disrupt your ego and pulls your mood down...
I'm a victim of over-assessing myself...
And i suffered a lack of confidence as i mentioned in my past posts...
I tried to stop doing that, but apparently, i can't...
I'm just too conscious about where i stand among the rest...
Haizz, i know i shouldn't have, but (loss of words)...

Self-reprimand--did you ever do that?
Well, i never done that before...
Anyway, why should i? I'm just what i am...
Reprimanding myself won't help, it just makes me feel mentally worse...
It is worst than criticism, of course.

Self-talk--definitely good...
Cheer yourself up, even if you come to the extent of talking to yourself in the mirror...
Its sure benefits, i bet...=)
It creates a internal peace within yourself, and outsider or friends can't help...
Its you and yourself, the battle within you.

Wonder why am i saying all this?
Its interpersonal relationships...Its the principal to create internal bliss.
And thus by attaining it, you will be able to forge friendships quickly in the midst of unfamiliar surroundings and develop camaraderie among your 'team-mates'...
Although outspoken by then, you will be fair in giving chances to the rest to voice out opinions...
Will show a high competency in work coz' of your abilities and enthusiasm to learn fast...

That is just a prediction, not experimentally proven, as i had not attain internal bliss yet...
Will do more experiment with myself and give you the results...haha...=)

Sorry for crappy last paragraph...=)

You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

I got nothing to say about this quiz...Not that accurate, i guess...
Except that the girl on the pic looks nice...=)

New, Eclectic Witchcraft Popular in France
AFP

Oct. 28, 2003 — "Witches don't proselytize", said Olivier Michaud, a 28-year-old male witch from eastern France.

They do, however, get a load of publicity, in blockbuster films and at Halloween balls, though the tricks, treats and TV images of witchcraft are a far cry from the real thing.

Witchcraft today is nothing if not diverse, and perhaps the main link between hundreds of thousands of male and female witches is their participation in what some observers call one of the fastest growing religions in the West.

A witch today is more likely to sport a tattoo than a wart at the tip of the nose, more apt to champion the rights of an animal than to boil it down to the bone in a bubbling cauldron.

A Wiccan — the name for a revived and popular form of witchcraft — may also have more in common with TV star sensation "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" than with a hag whose wrinkles alone would send Hollywood denizens screaming in terror.

So goes the unmaking of an age-old tale, the folklore of generations.

"It's very eclectic", said Michaud, alias Athenos, who leads a coven in the city of Metz. "Wicca isn't just a bunch of sorcerers. Bringing back our ties to nature is very important to us."

Like most new religions, "Traditional Wicca" is crafted from different ancient beliefs, and shaped into structured tenets by a modern founder. Gerald Gardner's post-war books are the modern witch's canon, re-establishing the practice of coven groupings and initiations, or the individual teaching of witchcraft, by priests and priestesses.

Deeply opposed to religious hierarchy and gender inequality, Wicca ascribes divinity to both a God and Goddess — but witches can also believe in as many gods, local or universal, as they wish.

"You don't have to be Wiccan to be a witch. You can be Buddhist! We have people in our community who are Jewish," Traci Laird, part of a 300-strong witches' group in Texas, said. "Witchcraft is a mystical side of religion, of spirituality."

In the United States, 134,000 people identified themselves as Wiccans for a respected religious survey undertaken by the Graduate Center of the City University of New York in 2001.

With its decidedly 21st-century ethos and politics — not to mention its dabbling in rites from Celts, Druids, Ancient Egyptians, Paganism and Old Norse — Wicca sounds like a New Age mantra, but many witches reject the association outright.

"It's a bunch of mish-mash," Michaud said. "The French Wicca is much more realistic than that."

The Wiccan coven, he pointed out, is a forum for serious teaching, describing the traditional three-step initiation from initiated member, to priest, to high priest, as "a little like getting one's driver's license."

After three years of study, with "very scientific, very rational" instructors, Michaud has begun his own coven, which in turn focuses most of its efforts on initiating newer witches into secret rituals, including rites and spells that can heat up a love affair, or clinch a coveted business deal.

His spellwork comes at a price — set by the customer — since "we've got to stop kidding ourselves, these (spell materials) cost money!"

Love spells are always popular. They can be as simple as one rite that calls for a love seeker to braid three pastel-colored strings together, then think strongly of the beloved tying a knot. A series of seven knots are tied in succession, and the braid is worn until love is found, when it must either be kept safe or burnt to ashes and scattered in streams or the open seas.

The Book of Shadows, an individualized collection of rites and spells for everything from divination to astrology and herbology, is also shared among witches of a coven.

Key to the Wiccan creed is the Goddess, recentering a female divinity in contrast with traditionally male-oriented Christianity, Judaism and Islam.

"Women were always on the second rung (in monotheistic religion)...on the periphery, oppressed" Michaud acknowledged. "In Wicca, they have found a religion of their own."

For the women at the Tejas Web Witch Camp, who in this week of Samhain (the pre-modern and newly re-used name for the Celtic New Year) are riding the hills of central Texas on horses, not broomsticks, the "reclaiming" of an identity as a witch is both political and spiritual.

They are part of a larger Reclaiming movement, which runs camps in Britain, Canada and Germany, rooted in a deep eco-feminism aiming to reconnect humans with nature, and women to the divine.

Laird, one of the Tejas witch camp organizers, described the transformative moment of becoming a Wiccan: "As I have embraced the term 'witch' it has become an extremely empowering process. Reclaiming a name for women which has been maligned and feared, I sense a stepping into my own power, as a woman."

But for all their strength in numbers, their egalitarian creed and the downright good sense of their one binding law — inflict no harm upon others — witches are sorely in need of an image boost.

Some laymen still believe they work to do evil, and that they use infamous "diabolic" texts like France's "The Secrets of the Great Albert", a tome of practical folklore and spells dismissed by French witches as "chock-full of errors" and a quaint homage to a 13th-century Dominican scholar and dabbler in alchemy.

"Wicca is very little known in France," said Michaud, even while acknowledging "those who know are adolescents who watch 'Charmed' or 'Sabrina'," two other TV shows starring a couple of comedy witches.

Buffy, her TV peers, and the wild worldwide popularity of films like J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" and the superficially mystical "The Matrix" have sent thousands of teens to witch web sites seeking kinship and answers.

They find both on the Internet and in the real world of witches' "moots", held in local pubs and cafes, special meetings for teen witches, across camp bonfires, and behind the masks of a Samhain ball.

"Who ever said Wicca wasn't fun?" said Michaud.

It sounds bad. Religions often proselytize, but they always claim they did not. And moreover, this world is getting crazy due to racial and religion conflicts. Muslims, buddhists, christians (protestants and catholics), blah blah blah were formed hundreds or thousand years ago, and they evolved through all these years--in what they believe in and improving it. Thus it become a religion.
Imagine such old and eclectic religions causes so much confusions in our world now, this new religion will sure be worst. The world will be more confusing. Stupid, what the hell they are doing?
And horror of horrors! More members are joining, and it might even hold a major stake in the world's population and of course, it will definitely have a say in things. By then the world, haha...
So why not kill they all now. Kill the damn creator! And its members, the wiccas!
Blast them off the sky. Is my uranium enough? =)