Talking about the sky...
How it changed from a clear blue sky, to grey...
To crimson, with to purplish-blue, then to deep greyish blue...
Its the sunset i seen today from my room...
I love the location of my house, its just facing the park...
Sunsets...was my all-time favourites...

Today was somewhat unusual...
Purplish-blue sky was rare...seldom seen...
But it lasted only for a few seconds, managed only to share with Jac, living 2 blocks away from me...I mean its no point telling someone miles away...
But by the time she looked, the sky turned half-purplish and half crimson-orange. And puffy white clouds moved across with great speed...
Then as i concentrated on my conversation, the sky turned deep greyish blue...
And my sunset story ends...
I'm a person in-touch with nature, i just love it--life and activities in the park is the miniature of the whole world's ecosytem (can't find a better word), including human's 'actions'...

Well, coming back, i will often look at the park whenever i'm depressed...
But sometimes, i just love to watch the sky changing colour...
The colour turned dark so fast, and the day just passed...
I felt a tinge of regret as i always think what i had done for the day...
Asking myself why am i procrastinating all the time, nothing is done...
Things need to get done with ultimately, why not do it fast and finish it...
Well, that's me...Habits can't change easily, leopards can't change its spots...
Activities in the park slowly ceases, and slowly the moon showed up...
Owls come out from their nests and egrets flew westwards...
And suddenly, everything turned quiet...
I, looking at the lamp-posts reflection from the drain...
Its dazzling when the water moves fast...
Life passed very fast, but can you make your 'quick-paced' life dazzling enough?

And now, it turned black, with red patches around fluttering in bits...
Yellow lights from the blocks opposite the park shine bright...
Thunder roared, and lightning bolted...

Its just another typical scene of an incoming thunderstorm...

Looking down

Dear Friends,

It has been 2 years since i had stepped into a classroom to teach. Yes, i do miss the students, especially the times they made me smile (even on a bad day) with crazy things they said and did. However, the past 2 years have been an eye opener for me. My stint at Teachers Network has given me opportunities to gain new experiences outside the school. I know that when i go back to school to teach, i will be a better teacher. I look forward to going back to the frontline, where the action is...

There was a small boy who when walking down the street one day found a bright copper penny. HJe was so excited that he found money and it didn't cost him anything. This experience led him to spend the rest of his days walking with his head down, eyes wode open, looking for treasure.

During his lifetime he found 296 pennies, 48 nickels. 9 dimes, 19 quarters, 2 half dollars and one crinkled dollar bill. For a total of $13.96.

He got money for nothing. Except that he missed the breathless beauty of 31,369 sunsets, the colourful splendor of 157 rainbows, the fiery beauty of hundreds of maples nipped by Autumn's frost. He never sae white clouds drifting across blue skies, shifting into various wondrous formations. Birds flying, sun shining, and the smiles of a thousand smiling people are not a part of his memory.


Are you going to waste your life on these small trival things?
Well, sometimes i do, i got frustrated for a small, stupid thing, and i missed rainbows and people's smile on their faces...

To me, this story speaks of the many scenic rainbows, dazzling sunsets, and smiles that i had missed when i was studying, scouting, while focusing on those trivial things. All these are just for pennies. I guess that i was so focused on teaching my students, i missed out on other opportunities that might added a significant rainbow in my life. How about you? Are you ready to see the sunsets, rainbows, and smiling guys?

THE BRICK

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood
street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar.

He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars
and slowed down when he thought he saw something.
As his car passed, no children appeared.
Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag
back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry driver then jumped out of the car,
grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting,
"What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing?
That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money.
Why did you do it?"

The young boy was apologetic.
"Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," he pleaded.
"I threw the brick because no one else would stop..."

With tears dripping down his face and off his chin,
the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car.

"It's my brother," he said.
"He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive,
"Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair?
He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words,
the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat.
He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair,
then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts.
A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.

"Thank you and may God bless you,"
the grateful child told the stranger.

Too shook up for words,
the man simply watched the boy push his
wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar.
The damage was very noticeable,
but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door.

He kept the dent there to remind him of this message
"Don't go through life so fast,
that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!"
God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts.
Sometimes when we don't have time to listen,
He has to throw a brick at us.
It's our choice to listen or not.

In our daily pursuit for the physical, tangible rewards...
are we sometimes too blindfolded...to appreciate what else is important too?

Maybe what we oughta do, is simply stop...and just smell the roses?

Mom is back in the afternoon...
Yay! She brought some things back for me and family...

I went to Aaron's house this afternoon to guide him for his Additional Maths exam tomorrow. Well, my AM skills might not be superb but i believe i can still help him a little, and a little does do much. A little determines a pass or fail, A or B. Just discussed with him my AM final year test paper and explained the logic behind each question. Hope he do well, i rejected his treat for dinner, so he can practice at home instead of dining out with me. =)

I'm often known as a helpful person, and sometimes people make use of me. An example, one of my classmates said that i would always help whenever someone's in need. That was not meant a compliment, as he earlier refused to help my monitor to carry some apparatus back to the laboratory. And he said it infront of me! If he had not said it right in my face, i would still help.
Such people are not to be blamed, of course, you can't also blame it on their parents. But indeed, it infuriated me for a while. After much pondering, i felt that i should not help so much, people will for sure make use of me.

Sometimes, i wonder, why are there such people in this world? Its quite a waste to society, unless they change for the better. Chances must be given again and again to them, and hopefully someday they will change. But well, how many chances can you afford to give them? Perhaps only one, they are not in any relations with you anyway. And that's why, such people seldom come to their senses. And maybe coz' of these ignorant people, they destroy the world.

I'm not scolding or shaming someone i particular, but if you know you are such a person, then you better change, or else you are useless to the society.

Got back my report book today. I did improve.
English 60 (B4)
Chinese 67 (B3)
Additional Maths 79 (A1)
Mathematics 78 (A1)
Biology 77 (A1)
Chemistry 88 (A1)
Physics 73 (A2)
Combined humanities 71 (A2)

Total: 455/600
Percentage: 75.8%

Not interested in results, let's talk about something else. I received two presents. One from d-ream-x and TIC, a bespectacled bear and almond chocolates.
Thank you!

When i went back from Aaron's house, saw a young couple sitting at the back of a double decker bus. Well, i don't know which school both of them are from, in fact, i don't care! Only remembered the girl wore a blue uniform with grey skirts. Those usual and typical scene of petting took place. Why young lads do such things? Shameless man, do something stupid, do it in private. Goodness, the bus was packed with people from all woks of life. And they are a disgrace to their school. A golden advice, when you go out with a person from an opposite sex, choose sits that are not around the back.
And well, as the bus was crowded, i sat 2 seats away from them. And they were talking about their problems in school and CCA. Something happened today and it remained in my heart. One guy stormed into TIC's office, and ranted at me, Bryan and TIC. Well, i won't not say the reasons or whatsoever, its confidential.=)

Coming back, i just wished to have someone who can listen to my troubles, like what the couple was doing. Of course, that person need not be a stead of mine, just a good friend, and a good listener. Haha, i can't possibly throw all of my troubles out in blog right? And now i'm contradicting my purpose of starting a blog. Oh gosh...

Sigh...
Guess what? My mom will not be back till tomorrow 1100am...
She apparently missed the flight...
Well, i know, its obviously ultra-lame...
But no choice lah, must wait again...
Wail, i still can't welcome her in airport...
I'm still in school...

Something nice to mention;
Mrs Goh said none of our class guys going for the school's Anniversary Dinner...
She even came all the way to our class and asked once again...
Well, that's kind of her, but all of us rejected her deal...
That's not the typical E1, she said, E1 always go for school's events in full force..
Well, i guessed, we simply don't care...
That's the only time when i felt the class is united...

I dislike my school for some reasons which i would not say..
And it led to a more rebellious, mentally...
No one knows, but i'm hating the school...
Can't stand how things worked, not straightforward and reasonable enough...
Boss wanting to acheive impossible heights, and workers struggled but in vain...
Then it starts off with a chain reaction...

My principal is discharged from hospital, secretive so far, not even telling us he is not around...
I mean its quite ridiculous, at least he should just let us know...
LAME! Who cares about him, i'm just only a student...
And i'm leaving the school next year, its escapism i know, but who cares...
Well, i better keep my ranting to myself, public blog is still not a very safe place...
That's all folks, will slowly vent a little by little in my blog...=)

Yay! Mom back soon...
3.5hrs more to flight...

Well, in case you do not know, today is my birthday. I intended to keep it a secret and lead a ordinary day. And my school hours are over, nothing much happened. Just quite frustrated by those jokers that don't pay up class funds. I mean, its just a meagre sum of money, and ....... They might be poor, but but.....

Let's skip the subject. I felt extremely touched when someone sent me an "happy birthday" SMS exactly on midnight. Its kinda romantic; i remembered doing it to two of my very good friends. Hee...=) I mean i never expected this wonderful treatment to happen to me, but i admit i did keep watch of my handphone around this time. My heart lit as my new 3100 shone through the darkness in my room, lighting it with blinking blueish flash. Delighted, touched.........

You all might be wondering why i'm not at all excited about my birthday. Well, i hated my previous birthday when people around me started to be nice to me on the day itself only. Why bother to act? Its not truthful. I rather people be their own self, suaning or criticising me, at least my emotions varies and not a pathetic monotone happiness throughout the day.
Well, i know i'm perhaps contradicting your perspective of birthdays. Maybe you felt that birthday is the day when people will be the best for you, and making sure you enjoy the day. My views are otherwise, as what stated above, and i never expect presents.
Presents, in a way, is lame. Sometimes, you might buy something that the other party dislike. Not only that, sometimes people give friends second-hand gifts. It meant that the gift was given to him and then he uses it to give it to his friend. I mean that presents does not really shows much. I would prefer a card or something that is valuable for me--something that i can keep and never discard. Like maybe a glass peice with my name engraved on it? Haha, well, i'm not hinting that i want such present, i'm just stating an example. I did not receive a present yet, and i'm not jealous and thus rattled this whole paragraph coz' of that.

Birthday might just be a special day to you. I don't like people going around saying "its my birthday!" I mean people who are really your friends would give you a warm greeting without anyone's remind. Well, i got 4 girls and 1 guy that remember my birthday. The guy was not my close friend or whatsoever, but he did write a card to me, saying how his views about me in his own perscpective. I love such cards, i can improve myself, and its something i will keep for long. Thank you Alvin, he is from my class. Haha. =)
How about the girls? Hmm...let's not say the names, there are lots of readers out there and that, of course, will ultimately embarrass them. 3 of them are my so-called close friends (i had only a handful of close friends). The last one was quite unexpected, she was someone i knew not long ago, maybe only early this year. I did not really bother about her birthday though i knew its somewhere in October, but i don't have the time to register it into my head. Felt bad, really really bad. Sent her an SMS earlier, thanking her and also opologised for shaking her hands too hard. Haha, it affected her performance in weightlifting? Haha, its a great clue to know who is she, well, hee =), i won't tell you! ;-)

Will post later, if i got the time. I need to deliver some chinese books to my friend for reference for the incoming 'o' levels (chinese). Haha, wish her all the best! We actually wanted to meet at J8 at 1730 this afternoon, but she seemed to be busy, mugging? So i'm going to pass the books to her sister at her primary school and let the sisters settle among themselves. =)

My comments section is always empty, maybe except for Jessica's constructive comments. CAn you all just say something? So sad, and the comment for each blog is below the blog post itself. Hee, will wait for all ya comments. =)
Preparing some old sec 1 stuffs to get my brother gear-up for his p5 higher mother tougue, will it kill him? Haha...i bet so, but it worth a try! =)

My mom will be back by tomorrow's midnight...
Well, its a good thing of course...
But i can't pick her up, not coz' i'm a lazy bum this time, it's co' my brother is having exams the day after...
Well, so i can't visit Changi Airport...

Quite shocked by my efficiency today...
I'm done with my Geography holiday homeworks...
20 pages of non-stop writing...
I'm exaggerating, but i'm impressed with myself...

At first, i wanted to start at 3.00pm, can't get off my computer--apparently i'm only chatting with d-ream-x...
So ended up shutting down my beloved computer at 3.30pm...
And that isn't all, saw my "tian long ba bu" on my desk...
Began reading it till 5.00pm...
Oh gosh, i'm addicted to the book...

Wanted to procrastinate again, but......something pulled me back...
So i finished it at around 9.45pm...
(I went to grandma's house from 5.45-7.05)
So, i only took like 3hrs to complete the assignments...
Felt happy...=)

But i knew a serious problem of procrastinating...
It is getting over me, soon enough...
Well, must get rid of that bad habit and determination will help...
Haha...

A short post, will post more tomorrow, its a special day...
Haha...=)

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Another quiz. I don't know anything about Matrix, maybe only the Botak (Morpheus, coz' the name coincides with one the god in Greek Mythology)...
Well, that's my results...
Neo? Who the hell is that?=)

Hmm...influenza and fever is causing a epidemic in Singapore...
D-ream-x and Jessica fell sick...
Lots of other friends are failling sick too...
And me, on the verge on dying...
Haha...well, i'm known as the undead, due to the fact that my mythological quiz character is vampire. I won't die...
Or rather i won't die so easily...

Drink plenty of water; drink coke and other carbonated drinks if you wanna die early...
And eat a balanced diet...
Well, i know i'm not following it...
And i tried but in vain...
Its when i fall sick and after repetitive yellings by parents then i regained my senses...
Sometimes, its not that people mind falling sick, but its the money it costs to treat a sickness...
Materialistic? Haha...
I'm not such a person, i can't stand agony of falling sick...
Sick-men are often unproductive and have detoriated efficiency...

Two more days before my mom returns...
Its boring at home, nothing much i can do...
Well, i don't wanna start studying or revising so early, i wanted more rest, for the time being...

I somehow don't want the day to pass so fast. My last 4 days had not been fruitful. Well, let's talk about yesterday, i wanted to finish housework and breakfast and newspaper by 10am, so that i can enjoy my day later. But then i would lose some sleep if i were to wake up so early to get everything done. How about a early morning jog? Hmm, not only i would sacrifice my sleep, i would also finish my chores at a later time. That's not wise.

That's for the morning. I would want to laze around my LCD computer screen for around 2hrs, reading blogs and online news, before i start on my book--"tian long ba bu". How about a movie with friends? Its also been a long time since i went out with friends, maybe except the swim on last Friday. But that meant i will not have much time to read my book--and i got only started on the first 50pages of my third book. Oh gosh... Maybe i will just forget about friends, and play with my brother some computer games, it had been a long time since i played with him. He's lonely at home, of course, but he got the accompaniment of his many many friends on the phone. How about tidying up my cupboard? Well, i'm a visual person, and its been a long time since i wanted to tidy it up. Yar, and my blog, i promised to give more attention to it.

My plan went futile. I woke up at 10am, and hurriedly vacuumed the floor, and read the newspaper. Its not only reading newspaper, but cutting articles out too. Its a daily basis for me to do that. Well, and then i sat frozen on the chair, thinking what i'm gonna do next.

And so, i spent 30minutes playing with my new phone 3100, and nothing was done. Realising that i wasted so much time, i turned panicky. Its precious time, i came online. Checking my yahoo groups, apparently i got more than 10 groups and my mails were long and lame. Normally, i delete mails that are colourful, coz' i knew it doesn't need my attention. Its either friendship mails or chain letter. The rest would be newsletters and pending messages to my yahoo groups.

I usually finishes them at around 1hr, and spent the rest of my time reading blog and updating and chatting at both MSN 6.0 and Yahoo messenger. Well, some spirit must have possessed me on that day, i stayed online for 3.5hrs, non-stop chatting. Saw my book on my table, but just can't pull myself off the computer screen. I started downloading some strange file after that and my computer hung. Upon deciding what to do next, i stared blankly at my book. Maybe i just don't have the mood to read it yet. So i rolled on my bed, tossing my pillow into the air, and i fell asleep. Woke up later by a damned phone call. Oh gosh, sleeping was not in my schedule. Decided to get back to plan--tidy my cupboard. But once i opened my cupboard door, i thought better not, wait till after exams.
So i went online again and chatted for long. Finally i played a game with my brother. He was happy of course. And then the sun came down from the blue sky. And my day ended.

When doing work, i'm very efficient. But it is the opposite in this case. Well, maybe like what disbelieving said, i too work best under stress.

After reading this post, it reminds me of Sumiko Tan's 'sunday insights' article. Maybe we are just too much into work and never learn how to enjoy. That's why even when we wanna relax, we have a quota to acheive or targets to hit. And usually, the results won't be good, and it just makes us more sad. Is that the kind of relaxation that we want? Then why spoil our Sunday (aka rest day) by doing so much things?

Poseidon


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

How true is it? I don't really know. I don't really bother. I'm just plain bored, so i decided to try out on such quiz. Often it speaks some sense but not the hold chunk is true.
But i somehow felt this quiz might be quite right. Rate it with four sheeps (stars)! =)

Went to Kumanan's house today...
3 room flat i guessed....as i don't go people's house counting rooms...
Well, he invited me over for deepavali...
And i believe, me, ashok and TIC arrival made a huge din in his house...
Food, and food, Kumanan stuffed me with food...
Can't take it anymore...
Gonna puke, not bcoz' the food was no good...

This topic is what i wanna talk on...

Remember the event that happened to me on friday (Khai Mun woke me up early in the morn)?

Willie was the event ic, and he's to bring 10 scouts to help out in the event. And i was not involved in it, coz' earlier on, i thought i was going HK with my mom, so i can't help him out. After knowing the HK trip was cancelled, i felt that i needed to take a rest from scouting for a while,and therefore i rejected Willie's offer once again. Then on that fateful day, horror of horrors! 2 guys, Khai Mun and Willie came only. Well, you can see how unreliable the scouts are, and obviously, our reputation was tarnished.

Actually, i got two reasons for not going for this event. One is what i said earlier, wanting to take a break. And the latter was i don't want to create more trouble for myself by helping him out.

I will explain the latter. I often helped those I/Cs in these small projects, and i always worked in the backstage. I did everything for them--paperworks to liasing. Then occassionally, i will need to take over the role of the I/C if they were not performing well enough. Guess what happened in the end? They, of course, gained credits; and me pushed to a corner, getting no recognition.

I feel, they are taking me for granted, thinking that i will be there whenever they are in need. Maybe i would do that for my girlfriend next time, not for them, i'm no much affliated with them. Well, that's not bothering me much, as i'm not harrassed. It is when the event don't go well, and with my presence, they will blame me more than the I/C of the event. Well, then i'm there for the hell what? Hey, i'm there to help out. And not to take their blame when they fail your task.

You may think that i'm stupid, and well i don't know myself. So i rationalised with myself this time--not to interfere anything related to it. But in the end, i'm still scolded for being selfish. I mean was it my fault? Why selfish? Was it that bad if i fail to attend one single event? And was the failure of this event any connections with me? Why selfish? I'm just wanted rest and let that guy face his own challenges himself, am i being selfish? I bet i never sell fish in my past life too...

Give me a break. I want rest, but i can't. They can't always depend on me. I'm not a living saint. But well i hope i could, so that i can be happy despite repetitive scoldings.
But realistically, i can't be a saint, i'm not yet fit to be one. And i'm in a dilemma, so next time do i always need to be present for every event since no matter what i would get scolded?

Wanted very much to comment to this article...
Most American believe they're heaven-bound

Haha. Do you believe in heaven and hell?
Two descriptions were given about heaven: "state of eternal existance in God's presence" and "an actual place of rest and reward where souls go after death."

For me, i believe that there is no afterlife...
Your brain stop spinning and its the day when you die...
Die in the sense that you don't even think about anything, everything in you just collapse...
The two descriptions were sort of optimistic views of afterlife...
Both symbolises peace...and no violence...
But how could that be? When people is around, antagonising will just take place...

If you were to ask me to choose between the two descriptions of heaven...
I would choose the latter...
The former is ridiculous...haha...
Maybe its coz' i like the word rest...I know i will need rest when i die...

Today is the day...
Early in the morning, my mom went to HK, and she would be back around next week...
Well, on the arrival day, coincide with my birthday...
But she would be back in the night...
Well, i'm not sad coz' she can't celebrate my birthday...
But just don't feel the same when a family member left home...
Luckily, its only temporary...

I did not send her off today morning...
Well, her colleaugue's whole family was there...
The warm atmosphere was there, they hugged each other and perhaps kissed as told by my father...
And my mother? She was there, alone, with my father...
While me and my brother were at home, sleeping...

I, of course, felt bad...
I had been alone overseas and i knew how good i felt when loved ones was just beside me, telling me that time will fly and soon you are back with us again...

And i knew how bad my mother must have felt, kept within her...
I mean when you see your friends' family members hugging and kissing, and you are staring with envy...
It is not the feeling of jealousy, more of sadness...
Guess those who travel overseas alone will also feel the same, right?

Its raining heavily right now, and it distracts me alot..
Can't seem to concentrate..
Like those drama serials, i suddenly felt the urge to call my mom right now...
But well, i knew i can't, i don't have her contact number...
I could only wait, wait for her call...
And i'm with my phone all this while...
Waiting for the first call...

Just took a quiz...Its lame i know...
Well, guess you would want to know my results...
Quite interesting, never expect myself to be a vampire...haha

Quiz results:
You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying. "And The Vampire was all that remained on the blood drowned creation. She attempted to regrow life from the dead. But as she was about to give the breath of life, she was consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the cycle began again." Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek) and Isis (Egyptian). The Vampire is associated with the concept of death, the number 9, and the element of fire. Her sign is the eclipsed moon. As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic individual. You may be a little idealistic, but you are very grounded and down to earth. You realize that not everything lasts, but you savor every minute of the good times. While you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you have strong ties with people that will never be broken. Vampires are the best friends to have because they are sensible.

Which mythological form you are?

Sometimes its real stupid of me...
I'm not afraid...but just can't bring myself to do it...

I was waken up by Khai Mun at around 6.30am...
There was a voluntary services which we were required to send around 10 guys..
Guess what? 2 guys went only...Khai Mun and Willie...
its absurdly ridiculous in a sense...
Khai Mun's father was there with him at the meeting place, and the way the tone i spoke to him on the phone was annoying...
In fact, i felt guilty, i should have thank him for coming over the phone...
And i should not have ranted off at him...
Oh gosh, what a cantankerous idiot i am? Well, i ought to be nicer and more willing...
I'll try!

Well, i did not turn this outing to a bad one...
I went swimming after that, i saw those scouts that did not go for the activity earlier on...
Do you expect me to shout the hell of them...
Dammit, i done that lots and lots of times before...
But i don't really want to do that now...No!
Its always me to spoil outings, coz' of scouting things...
its really something so unrelated...

I mean its absolutely stupid...
Just brought down the delirious mood of everyone...
Its isn't good, who the hell would go out with a person like me next time?
But well, i can't let the matter just get away...
Keeping quiet and see those 'illigal' doers getting off scot-free is unbearable...
If they are not by my side, then i won't care that much...
But they are just around the corner of my eyes, and laughing off happily...

Dammit, it could be the responsibility i felt...
Maybe next time i don't go out, to prevent myself from blowing my top...
Its a good idea, i know it is...

Well, this is my first outing after my EOYs...
I'm busy, i admit...
And this outing was ruined...ruined coz' i felt miserable...
Stupid, my personal life is zig-zagged with my so-called "leadership life"...
Its their fault or mine?

Noramlly, those ignorant people who know my problems would just say: let go, and don't give a damn.Get out of scouting, just be a normal member, and such problems would be avoided...And all your ridiculous problems would be gone...You are not an adult yet...

Well, are you such a person? they don't understand...
Its like adding oil to fire...
And i would just keep quiet...
Sometimes, i would ask myself whether those ignorant people were right...
And i stumbled upon it...I don't have the answer myself...
but i knew all along i just want to keep going, and never give up...
Can't i have better guys to comfort me, in a unique and understanding way?
I mean they don't help me to solve my problems, but just rattle total trash...

Woebegone. Still thinking the same question i wrote above...
Is it their fault or mine? =(

Schedule for the day:
1000-1300--Swimming with Chee How and Chee Kiang
1330-1420--Lunch and went home
1420-1700--Resting
1700-1930--Tried sleeping

Quote of the day:
"The highest function of ecology is the understanding of consequences."

-Pardot Kynes, Imperial Planetologist

Well, in a way, it doesn't only meant for ecologist, but for everyone...
Actions are irreversible, if you had read my previous post, and think before you do...
Its the consequences you will suffer if you take the wrong move...
Use the logic of a chess game, a wrong move will result a loss of a chess piece..
And in the end, you will suffer a crashing defeat...

In life, you are bound to make silly and lame mistakes...
In this situation, never let it worsen, never give up...
But instead you need to work harder, and catch up...
Its hard, that's why so many people are resulting in suicide...
Its the willpower that matters most...
Readers, no matter you are working or studying, never give up...
Or else, undesired consequences will befall on you!
=)

How do you know when something starts, and when it ends? In the real world, there just aren't any markers indicating a starting or ending-point. Life flows on from one stage to the next without any momentous event, not even a warning sign, to tell you: beware! No chance and time to be wary, or weary, of the fact that life goes on, even when you're becoming an increasingly unwilling participant. And I want these warning signs, I want some event, some huge incident, that can signify the start or end of changes and peaks and troughs. I'm very tired of having no idea how far I've come, and how far there is left to go. But who really cares? Probably you're tired too. I don't know. And does it really matter anyway? My best cross-country runs took place when distance no longer mattered to me. So can you find something like this in life, something that can make you forget how hard and far and tiring the act of living can be?

Disbelieving

Hmm...a very well-written blog...
If you have time, visit it...its meaningful, i've only cut & paste a small chuck out of it...
Well, its true...nothing will show the start and end...you will need to keep going and you never knows your ending point...
Well, the small chuck should be enough to churn interest in you to visit her blog for more...

Its not advertising...just felt that its good...
Back to results, this should be the second last time i'm updating...
As all my results are out, and i would update after the announcement of the overalls for the year...
English: 66.5+??/80+30 (??=oral)
Social Studies: 36/50 (A2)
Physics: 75/100 (A1)
Well, i don't really regret that much...
My languages improved, from "Cs" to "Bs"...

I'm craving for books...
I'm left with nothing...Only two books on my shelves...
"Principle-centred leadership" by Stephen Dovey and "A boyhood memoir" by Amber Sands...
Maybe, i will continue with Stephen Dovey book which i stopped during June hols...
And learn some useful technique from it...
Yar, i will read later...

Indeed, i procrastinate alot nowadays...
Should have done some editing on the skit for investiture since two days ago...
Well, i'm just plain lazy...
Don't really have the drive in me nowadays...
And thus procrastination came in more often...

Maybe, i'm just too tired...
Careworn...its just like i had climbed a mountain, and started climbing another without a proper rest...
Adrenaline surged fast in me to make me cope with my hectic work...and...
One day, i will break down, i'm serious...
I need to rest, rest meaning that i had little to worry with...
And most importantly, i can procrastinate...and no date due to be tire me...
A break of one day? Two days?

More and more projects on my shoulders...
Its heavy, i know, i can't be so laggy...
And those projects can never tumble down me...NEVER
Or else, castastrophe will happen...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, hope i hope i can live with ancient men,
Where there is little significant things to think about...
And they are just like animals...roaming about, hunting and gathering...
We, humans, are animals indeed...

No matter when; past, present or future...
We are just the same species--homo sapiens...
Only that the modern human are slightly better than the past...
We evolved slowly and steadily...
But we can't escape the fact that all of us, in fact are animals...
We still have the same instincts as our ancient ancestors, only that the unuse capabilities laid unknown...

Will there be a future for us, humans?
Like what all history textbook shows: all golden age will come to an end, and a new era of life will start with new power dominating...
But, at our advanced level of technology, we will die!
Its something like the optimum level of civilisation...
Once a wrong step is made, it will return back to nothing(all die!) or the beginning of life again (ancient men)...
No! But seeing the world, it might happen...
If i were to bet on whether the world would be destroyed, i would say a 30% chance...

I'm not cursing or rattling nonsense..
I know you will fire me at the comments section, but never mind...
Its the fact, one mistake and the civilisation cycle would be restarted all over again...

Marks, marks and marks...
Geo: 35/50 (A2); P. Biology: 92/120 (A1); P. Chemistry: 89/100 (A1)
Well, i must be contented with my marks...
Its the best i can do, and there is no use scolding myself for it...
Anyway, Mr. Amos, my physics teacher, told me that i got A1 for P. Physics...
He also said jovially that he hope i can get A1 in 'o level'...
Well, hope i can, but i need to work doubly hard...

Which would you place first? Moral values, personality, intelligence, EQ, self-esteem...
I always believe that everyone has two sides of him...
And if that person is going to a leader, i would place as follows:
1)EQ
2)IQ
3)Self-esteem
4)Moral Values
5)Personality

Of course, i would give my reasons...
Firstly, i believe that if a person doesn't have EQ, and can't communicate with his workers, he immediately doesn't have the capibility of becoming a leader...
Let's put it in this way, a person must be good in establishing rapport...
And thus allows a open two-way communication...
Two-way communication is important coz' people would need to give feedback and finetune the project/company...

IQ placed second...
I'm not a person who goes for intelligence, but in this case...
A leader need to be clever and scheming...
Think of the big picture and avoid any trickery taking place...
Its normal, you acn't afford to have your company/project to have other people spying and backstabbing to create internal conflicts...

Third comes self-esteem...
Its important for a leader to be confident in himself...
It matters alot as it will affect the workers mood...
By radiating positive energy, his workers might work better...

Fourth and fifth comes moral values and personality...
Well, i know i had talked alot about "pseudo nature"...
Sometimes, you must not show your true colours, but act accordingly to what people perceived...
For the part on moral values, he must not really follow his righteousness...
I mean this society like a flat, normal ground with landmines planting alongside with it...
And sometimes, obstructions need not be hidden in the ground, but shown vividly across the oblong of the viewer's eyes...
So if you follow your moral values closely, you will not get much done...
But, that's only to a limited extent, moral values need to be twitched in at certain circumstances too...

Well, its a different sequence when it comes to friends...
1)Moral values
2)Personality
3)EQ
4)IQ

I never expect a friend to be good acadamically...
As long as his moral values are upright...well, that's fine with me...
Is my expectation too much? Doubt so...

Had a phone meeting till 1.15am early this morning...
Its ridiculous...
Calls followed by calls....
After that Jac SMS me that she can't come to school today, she's sick...
Well, due to her absence, some problems occurred...
But its not her fault ultimately...
The terrible guilt feeling should be unbearable in her...

Well, it did happen to me early this year...
For sec1 orientation, i wasn't around...
Coz' of jet-lag after Jamboree 14days camping trip and a flu...
So i did not turn up...
I was reprimanded...why? Coz' i did not turn up...
TIC said at least i should turn up for the afternoon or early morning shift...
Well, i could argue no further...its just simply ridiculous...
And from then onwards, whenever i got a job or something which is important,
I would turn up, no matter what happen to me...
That's what i learnt...
Its ironic and stupid of me...
I know it will sound nonsensical and lame for you...
But sometime, its just true...
Give you an example, like "O level", even you suffered from asthma, you would take the paper right? If the day is 'pay day', you would try no matter what to get your monthly salary from your boss right?

Well, see? That's the truth, the ironic nature of mankind...
Some materialistic thing are more important than health...
And it is stupid, but the reality sounds real true...

A busy day...Can't even catch a breath, phew!
A short break from me before i'm going to bed...
Its past midnight now, and everywhere is quiet and serene...

An update of my marks; well, i only got back a paper today--E maths...
I got 42/50 for paper 1, and 43/50 for paper 2 and thus 85/100 (A1) overall...
The paper was quite easy as lots of people got dramatic marks...

I'm not the effervescent me like yesterday, i'm dead beat!
Maybe changing it back to hmm...burned-out? nice one...

Came back from scout meeting at around 6pm, and got a break of 30minutes to check my mails...
And then i waited for my MSN conference to start...
I told them to come online at 8pm, but none turned up...
Well, as a patient guy, i waited and waited for long, and finally called them...
Guess what? They forgotten...its normal, amnesia...
So we had a phone conference then, we talked for about 3hrs,
debating on scouts who are eligible for some rank thingy...

Well, Dennis was digusted by how the world works....
And i spent a hell out of time explaining thoroughly to him...
I know, its something not for me to know so much...
But i knew, and well, i really hope not to spread it to people around me...
But i can't, coz' most of my problems were either related directly or indirectly to this modern society...beaver scouts worked very closely with HQ and other organisations...
So the reality of this world couldn't be spared from me...
Actually, its the work of the troop leader, an adult of course...
But i wonder how i got so affliated with it and it just can't shake it off my body...
Its worst than addiction, there is not rehabilation centre...it will remain in you for life...
And i experiencing it, in such a young age...
I'm maturing fast, but not in a correct and healthy way...
I know, i can't enjoy my teens with adult's melancholies..
And i'm infested with diabolical scheme...
For the sake of the group...

Its morally unright...Yes, i know...knew it all along...
Living without my moral values...
Well, not totally without it, but just betraying all my moral values or building a mirage to give a illusive pathway to all my sinful doings...
i mean that i use an illusion to bluff myself that i'm corect but i'm in the wrong...
Furthermore, i'm not wrong...
I'm helping my group, but, i'm so conniving so scheming...

Illusion? Yes, i'm been bluffing myself all this while...
Always tell myself i'm right, but actually i'm in the wrong--morally i mean...
Illlusion guiding my life...moving me into an infinite vulnerable environment...
NO!!! I can't...i'm morally upright...
And it doesn't depicts me at all...
I can't shake it off, no matter how hard i try, the mentality is within my brain, my heart...
Within me..........

Monday, it just shows the beginning of the weekly rountine...
Sian arh...
Got back two of my EOY papers...
I got 64/80 (A1) for A maths, and 65/100 (B3) for chinese.
Well, i made careless mistakes which made me lost marks...
I can't explicitly tell you how many marks i lost through carelessness...
A maths is always easy...but i never expect to get above 60 (A1) and that's a miracle...
For chinese, i always wanted to get an A for that...
And for this time, paper1 pull me down...
I failed the first part of paper 1...sobx...i did not give enough information...
Bad...sobx sobx...
Luckily, i got my oral and paper 2 to pull me up the "B4" trench...

So much about results, did not feel bad though...
Just wanted to get as high as possible, but no hard feelings or whatsoever...

Was rather impressed by the monitress of 1E3...
And of course, not coz' of her looks...
Let me tell the story...
I went down with Afiq after assembly to move 5 tables from 1E2 to 1E3...
It was because last Saturday we left the tables at the wrong classroom...
So well, we don't want to move all the tables ourselves, and we decided to call upon those 1E3 kids to help us with it...
Afiq told monitress, and she was like getting the whole class attention in a very very very effective way...
She walked to the teacher's table, stood there, knocked the table and clapped her hand loud...
Then told at the students to get 5 volunteers to help get the tables and chairs...
Though she got the attention of the class, but no one stood forward...
Its perfectly normal not to volunteer...nobody like to volunteer, maybe for the exception of a few daredevils...
I asked Afiq to help the monitress to get the volunteers, then with his manly voice, he turned the class into perfect silence...
He sounded real fierce...
Never expected that to happen, and in the end, i would need to settle this awkward scene....

Astonished was how i felt, when the monitress suddenly pinpointed a few guys to help out...
I meant i was a monitor before last year, and i knew lots of monitors that would never dare to do such things...And she, a girl, done it wonderfully...
Maybe not my class? I don't know...haha...

I'm not trying to say that my school monitresses and monitors are lousy, but well, they are indeed...
But i believe that i'm not a good monitor last year too...maybe just averagely graded...

Coming back, she (1E3 monitress) was the best monitress i seen so far...
She have the potential to excel in leadership wise...how i hope she is a guy, so that she could join scouts...
She would bring the group to greater heights...
How i hope she was my monitress last year...oops...let's not say so much...hee...=)

After the whole commotion ends, she said a 'thank you' to me...
That was sweet, i was not mesmerise by it, but seldom people say 'thank you' to me...
Her smile was cute, its the only word good to describe, and maybe 'jocund' would be good too...
A jocund smile, sounds nice...=)

Just done with a 'letter of appreciation' to all scouts and Sebastian...
Posted it on my yahoo groups...
Quite lame in a way...
I don't even have the intention to praise all these people...
Maybe except Sebastian, "old boys" and Dennis...
Well, this shows of my pseudo character again...
I done it coz' of TIC, i used his name...
And if he doesn't want it by today, i would have done it next week...
And the feelings of being appreciated will be gone...
I'm bad i know...but can't be help...

If you wonder if i drink coffee, you are wrong...
I use it as my mood coz' i don't really have energy for much things...
And tomorrow school will start, and i'm really short of breath...
Lagging faraway behind...
Save me, save me...
I will post a chinese post tomorrow afternoon, its a promise...
Its something i wrote in my chinese journal...An extract...
A wonderful appreciation to my mom...
Its her birthday yesterday...
And i'm away, all day, not even a single moment with her...
Its bad, and anyway, the 'letter of appreciation' doesn't include me...
All my hard work! wail, i began whining again...
This world is unfair, always unfair...
Its stupid, can't stand hierachies anymore too!
Stupid...

Kumanan asked me to continue scouting through venturing after my secondary schoo life...
I practically have no more interest in scouting...
I been working with lousy people and its just like i had eaten a bad appetiser and you expect me to continue the main course?
Well, i won't...
I hope to try other things...other better things that awaits me to try out...
I'm inquisitive...i like trying, and not sticking to a thing on and on...
Its useless, there is a optimum level you can learn..
And i believe that i'm reaching it....soon...

What i would like to join next time?
I'm more in touch with nature...
And i also wanna upgrade my skills in leadership wise and outdoor activities...
I guess i will never know, maybe some guy would be good enough to persuade me back in venturing or continue scouting...its the same...
But i'm a stubborn person, i only listen to good advices, and maybe not people to advise my future...
That's me! Unique and special, that's me!

TIC called me, and gave me more things to do...
Can't i have a rest?
Its never-ending...project come and go in a cycle...
Plan, execute, evaluate, and it goes on....
Just like life, child, adult, old man...
No wonder the earth is round...
And i began to grasp some understanding...
Understanding how the world works, how can i break the cycle, and start a new evolution of mankind...
But first, we must eradicate stubborn people off first...
They will never change their mindset...
That sounds like me?
Am i going to die?

The project is a success...
Everything went smoothly and i think he should be able to pass his President Scout Award...

Started working at 7am and it stretched all the way to 8pm in the night.
Done with my report at 11pm last night, and i knocked off and dropped dead...
Its demanding in a way--physically and emotionally...
Imagine, working with 21 unreliable scouts and thus i need to run everywhere around the school...
Of course, Sebastian doesn't know anything about the school...
And i don't wanna wash dirty linen, thus i'm at the back, pushing and pushing those scouts...
Lame right? What i get in the end?
Yay! Sarcasm and scoldings...

Sometimes i felt pathetic, and i knew that i always felt that way...
I'm just bluffing myself...

I mean do you know how had it is to work in a one-man-committee..
Working with a group of unreliable and selfish people...
A mistake, and i will receive scoldings and scoldings...
I mean sometimes its not my fault...
I tried changing them but to no avail...
Well, in another words, my leadership is questionable?

Luckily, old boys came down and helped me...
Well, i hope, that situation will improve...
But i think it won't...
Scouts themselves don't wanna improve themselves...
I have leaders who are 100% late every time they come for meetings...
I have leaders that hand in project month after due-date...
Total trash right?

And i did drill it down on them...
Counselled, punished, pumped, threatened, warned........
It just don't work...and they don't give a damn...
I longed for a day that i can quit...

Well, sometimes i talked to my parents about these problems...
In a way, i mean i shouldn't have...
Its quite out of point, as they don't know the situation well enough...
They would say my delegation work is lousy,
and my reason is that how could you delegate jobs and projects to people who always come late and don't finish on time?
I felt stupid, as i would rather do it myself...and i could avoid tons of scoldings...

They will not have experience, but who cares?
I mean i can't help myself, how can i help them?
In another words, i had given up hope on them...
Quite useless in that sense...

Then my seniors would come in, they are also playing more than a usual passive role...
They came to the extent of helping me out with my stuffs...
But how could they understand me?
Time change, people change...
I spent my one-and-a-half of my leadership life with them...
And well, i definitely knew more about them...
And i actually sort of like given up on them...
Maybe i would just train some sec 1s and let them run the show...
So that they can receive well enough pressure, and maybe reflect on what they are doing...

Well, i really rattled lots of trash...
My teacher asked me why i'm so adultly?
And i was stumped for a moment...
Maybe i just think alot about the world and society...
I really hope that i can enjoy my youth, but it seemed that i can't...
Can't even have a break...

Sick! I'm getting sick of the ranking system...
Maybe one day, there will not be any ranks and everyone just work together...
Jeez, ridiculous...
I hate aloof freaks that got seniority or important positions in their organisations...
They just loves to show off their power...
Well, i guess that their ego is low...
It really irks me sometimes...they think hey are so great and obviously they are not...
That's just the stupid mindset of them, purely naiveness...
They won't get any respect from the epople below them,
but of course, they can go on shouting and shouting and things gets done...Coz' of the rank they have...
They are not exposed yet, such people just stay in their organisation and coz' of that, they think they are the greatest...
Go see the world man, and see how how lousy you are!

So much about it, suddenly remembered about the 'lock-breaking' event after my project...
It goes like this...
Because OM forgot to give the key for the padlock (a key which would be needed to unlock the gate from the side to free the gate from the sidebars and thus able to lock the place up) to TIC, and TIC practically got too many things in his mind, therefore we needed to find ways to unlock the padlocks...
Well, i used paper clips to try poking the mechanism inside the lock, but it did not help...
I'm no professional lock-breakers...and the last time i did that was two years ago...
I did not commit any sin, i broke my own locks...
After desperate tryings with paper clips, knifes, needles, we got desperate...
Then we used hammer and peg to knock the whole padlock down...
Its quite stupid, coz' it will make a wholedin around the neighbourhood coz' of the reverberating metal bars and the deafening noise...
For once, it sounded like constructions taking place...
The whole process took 1hour, so unprofessional!

We managed to knock two locks off, and well done!
We can go home!
Real lame, i took a picture of it...
Maybe i would get it from my friend and show it to you...
If you are a good guy and don't do bad things before...
Think you would need to try sometimes, and enjoy the fruit of labour if you are not caught...
(applying to simple and stupid offense, not applicable to smoking, blah blah)

Will post something later in the wee hours in the night or early morning...
I'm really tired now and i need a rest...

Quote of the day:
If you love something, set it free; if it comes back its yours, if it doesn't, its never yours.

Clement Ng

Its a special request...i will type about my feelings for that particular someone...
No elaboration of names or whatsoever...
Okay, this friend of mine was very close to me at first....
We joked and laugh and played together...
In bad and good times...
She was an very active girl...a girl whom was silent in the inside and sociable on the outside...
For once i know, she was going to be my wonderful friend

This is the blog post on September 28, Sunday...
Well, she read the post...
She asked me was that her? Well, that's obvious, and i told her so.

Next she cut and paste this section:
But at first, i thought she was joking, and that she was not serious at most times...
I made fun of her...haha...felt guilty though...

And she made it clear, that she actually, was joking...
Well, i expected that...
She continued that she would never have the courage to tell someone she likes...
And thus the fact that she told me that she like me was coz' she was not afraid of being rejected, and concluding that she said it just for fun.
Well, you get me?
Actually, i don't really care...
But it remained in my mind till now though it seemed to have passed one year...
Nostalgia rushed into me once again as i recalled what happened last time...
I love the past, love the present and love the future...
I recall memories, think practically, and dream wildfully...
I mean this world is so uncertain right? Maybe one day you might land up with a girl that you hated since young? (Sounds like a drama serial)..haha...

Coming back, at the end of the conversation,
i wrote "no matter what, you will still be a gd frenz of mine...hee...=)"
Sounds great isn't it..haha...
But when i clicked 'enter', she left...
We are not even fated to be friends? haha...
I don't know, this world is inconsistant, she may think in this way or otherwise...
Who knows?
Well, maybe i will just give her a SMS...=)

My earlier part of my day was terrible. Frustrated. I received lame and stupid SMS from scouts, and they asked me nonsensical stuffs. Some joker forgot to tell all leaders that meeting will commence at 1pm, instead he told them 2.45pm. Its sickening and real dumb. I told him so clearly yesterday's night and he made such a blunter. Apart from that, my schedule was cocked up too. Well, Sebastian asked me to make a trip to HQ to collect $200 grant and 2 receipt booklets. And i had a lunch appointnment with Kumanan at 2pm. In a way, it will be quite rushy and hectic.

Pushed my whole day programme forwards. Reached HQ at 1305 and school at 1315, i'm fast because my dad brought me around though he had a seminar at 1330.
And well, i'm 45minutes ahead of time. Yay! finally, i can take a rest. But i decided not to be nitty-gritty, done some work--photocopying and returning money to teacher. (I owe him for 3weeks). And after doing all these things, its almost time for my appointment.

I ran to the hawker centre (appointment place, haha), just in order not to get late.
And guess what, he was late. He mentioned in his SMS that he would be late. Nothing unusual, people around me are always late. Well, i won't really bother much if i waited for him for a couple of minutes. And he was late for 30minutes! Imagine a fool sitting there, waiting, looking around, turning his head all the time. Of course, people would never expect a boy in his uniform to be sitting dreamily in the hot and stuffy hawker centre.

I never like people who are late. He was 30minutes late. Guess how i feel? Well, if you are a latecomer, never guess the feeling, you will never know. Its a feeling that i never like to experience. NEVER! Once is enough, i had enough.
Remember my "pseudo-nature"? Well, i acted very real this time, though i felt pissed off. I force a weak smile on my face. Its hard, but i don't want to spoil his day. If i said out my intimate thoughts, i would had created a din as powerful as a bomb. Don't need to opologise, i don't blame you, but i felt bad inside.

Opologising isn't everything, i hate opology, it doesn't mean anything. It just reminds you of that particular incident, and why must you remember about it? Opology also did not demand for a change in the offender's attitude next time.
And i don't want any latecomer reading my blog to feel sad...

Coming back, Sebastian had arrived when i reached school. Tried to forget such damn hapenings, but obviously i can't, luckily my 'mask' was tightly worn.

Disappointed as usual. Actually, i had mental precaution about it. But the melancholy just now tired me down. LATECOMERS! Some jokers were late. I mean i met the I/Cs today and even the I/Cs were late; How can Sebastian trust them? If i were him, i would not trust them, not worthy of my trust.

Some radio personnels came. And me and the three seniors that came down went to the school's roof top to fiv the antenna. Well, it was my first time. ITs quite fun, i got the feeling that i'm at the top of the world. And suddenly, all my troubles and sorrows vanished. I felt high, and i was indeed the highest in the school! Yay!

Everything got done at 1750, except for the computer lab which needed repairing. The modem did not seem to be in good working conditions. And they stayed till around 2100 in school to make amendments and adjustments...
Maybe, maybe its the reason why Sebastian looked so panicky today. Hope so, i will be giving him a call. A call to cheer him up, to energise him for tomorrow. Such simple things i felt that i had not the capability to do it. Why? I lack of what? Confidence again?

I exhausted myself by putting my mask so tightly today. And i felt the side effect from it now...heart is aching, melting, breaking, pulling... ... ... ... Very miserable. I avoided talking to anyone on msn. I practically ignored everyone. Why? Why? Why? Had a dying hunger of asking why. But no answer surfaced...why? Is the emotional torment for me? Why should i feel as such? Its useless and stupid. Frankly, sometimes i would just like to experience some pain which can return me back my senses and directions. Pain like a good tight slap, knocking my head on the wall, blah blah.

And blog, its the only thing i can share my real troubles with. Coz' it remained quiet, and gave me the sense of hope when i felt lost. Did not regret setting up a blog, but should have limit this blog to myself. But, well......(at a loss of words)...

Fine, feeling bad now...
Entering another depressed phase...
"Listen" to this song, dedicated to you all...

Leader of the band (Dan Fogelberg)

An lonely child alone and wild, a cabinet maker's son,
His hands were meant for different work and his heart was known to none.
He left his home and went his lone and solitary way,
And he gave to me a gift i know i never can repay.


A quiet man of music, denied a simple fate,
He tried to be a soldier once but his music wouldn't wait.
He earned his love through discipline, a thundering velvet hand,
His gentle means of sculpting souls took me years to understand.

Chorus

The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old,
But his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul.
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man,
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band.


My brothers' lives were different for they heard another call
One went to Chicago, the other to St. Paul.
And i'm in Colorado when i'm not in some hotel
Living out this life i chose and come to know so well.


I thank you for the music and your stories of the road,
I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go.
I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough
And papa i don't think i said "i love you" near enough.

Chorus

The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old,
But his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul.
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man,
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band.
--fade away--


A soothing song, played it on my classical guitar just now...
Although its an oldies' song, it too sounds melodious and good...
Download the song if you can...****(four stars)

Acting nonchalent...
How i wish that i can stop thinking...
But well, i can't...i need to keep on moving...
Well, I'm booked...
And actually it doesn't matter...school won't do anything with just one booking...

JOTA meeting was held this afternoon...
Before that, I showed Mr. Koh the floor plan, and he was indeed impressed...
The meeting went well though Sebastian was not around...
So i chaired the meeting and told the various I/Cs important details...

Does people make assessment based on first appearance?
And sadly, most of the time is like this...
Well, its just like a person taking major exams (eg, 'o' levels and 'a' levels)...
Candidates have only one chance to prove themselves...
"Don't judge a book by its cover"...
Well, its really judging by the cover...
And usually people also don't read the contents to judge the book...
Relating back, that person will be having that rigid perspective of you all the time...
Why? Is it the instinct of men?
Must people judge a person first, before knowing him better?

And due to that, everything will be affected...
Like trust, building rapport, blah blah...
Psychologically-speaking, it harms the body...
It limits your boundaries of friends...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes i don't know who are your true friends and foe...
I had treated foe as friends till they came and stab me, leaving a long punctured wound on my back...
Its pain, but you learn your lesson...
You learn what? You learn how to be suspicious of people around you...
Espcially closer friends...you began doubting about them and question their sincerity...
That's unhealthy...
So therefore, coz' of a betrayer, you began doubting your friends around you...

You might think its crazy, and ridiculous...
But i did experience it before, those older or had leadership positions will understand me better...
Its something which might lead you to access people based on first-hand judgement...
Coz' you do not want people to dip another wound into your back...
Well, get me?

Everything is in a cycle...just like food chains...
And in fact, every action you made are causing an interrelated chain of reactions and cycle...
Therefore, nothing will have any meaning or values, as its in a cycle, round and round...Never stopping....
Well, i'm not spreading nihilism here...but its true, go think about it...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you spot a good friend smoking, and you want him to stop smoking, what would you say?
1) Smoking harms you and other diseases and illnesses rattled out of your mouth...
2) "You look real cool, but that will only last for a few years more."

Well, the outcome and consequences of the first answer is obvious...you should know, its just like mother nagging at you.
But for the second answer, i called it 'reverse psychology'...
And such remarks might hurt at first, but after the person think about it, he may have a greater intention to quit...

Reverse psychology don't reveal the bad outcomes of your 'wrongdoings'...
But it makes the wrongdoers think for themselves...
Think about the consequences they would have to face...
And it might prove a better solution...
Plus, in the long run, they will be grateful to your advice...

Decided to try some time, seeing if it really works...
Maybe, hmm...maybe on my brother...haha...
But well, what do you think? Any good thoughts or experiences to share?

Plus, this is a good website about GM food...
It caught my attention in alien's forum...
Aliens: Invasive species in the world, very vague i know, but as lnog as you understand...
GM Hybrid Hazard
p/s: sorry for the picture yesterday...find a better one next time...

And yesh, just wanna show you a picture of me. I'm the short guy 3rd from the left. The short guy standing beside our president scout, Noel Hon.

Its been a relaxing afternoon, though i spent some time on my scouts project.
Well, its something that i don't want to do on my first day of rest...
But i had no choice, people had been chasing me since my exams period,
and you know what? I just ignore them...
Its bad, i know, i wanna concentrate on exams and now its over and done with...

And yes, I'm back in touch with the world once again...
And i felt bad not helping Sebastian out for the JOTA project for this coming Saturday...
Plus his 'A' levels is near...25days...
I know it don't concern me, but i felt that i should do my best to help him...
Help him pass his President Scout Award...
Well, next time, i might be such a helpless victim too if i decided to take the award...
And don't doubt my capibilities, i can because i think i can...

This quote is said by my primary school principal, and i also hate her...
But this quote is good, the willpower churn up within you is the most powerful force you can produce...
And i also don't mean you go around doing unrealistic things and harm yourself okay?
If you wanna harm the world, count me in then...
I had a pact with a friend to destroy the world! Haha...

My former class chalet clashes with my latter class chalet...
And it also coincides with my primary school merging day...
I will go for my primary school merging party...
And maybe spent one day with each class...
Well, its hard to make a choice, and i don't wanna think so much about it...

Felt quite happy, a good friend of mine shared with me her new bloggie...
It meant to be a private one, and well, i was introduced inside...
It had lots of depressed thoughts in it...and it saddened me too...
Those thoughts were meant to be written in the dead paper diary which you will keep for years and cherish it for your whole life though the paper turned yellow...
Sobx sobx...i mean she should not have shared it with me...
I mean with another person like me, would restrict what she wanna write...
And maybe wear the 'pseudo-mask' on her face too...

One article in the chinese newspaper mentioned about diary 3days ago...
And it swirled in my mind till now...
It talked about a child knowing his mom kept diaries for years,
and one sunny day, the child's mom threw the diaries one by one into hot ambers...
The child neer knew why...
Then as the child grew up, he also kept diaries...
When he was old, and one day, he suddenly realised that 'qing jing", quietness was the best sound on earth...and all those thoughts and depressed happenings that he written for years was the most painful sounds on earth...
And on that day, he knew that a diary is not of use anymore...
And he burnt it one by one into the red, hot ambers...........

Well, i don't really understand what's the author is trying to say...
It might be a feeling that i don't understand, like when the author was young, he did not know why his mom burnt her diaries...
The first thoughts that came into my mind was "what a waste to throw the diaries away"...
In a way, its the paradox of life...
When you grow older, you view and perspective is often otherwise......

Yay! Eoys (End-Of-Year) is officially over...
And well, i can only have some rest after Saturday...
Plus courses are up for the holidays, and i will make myself busy for the entire hols...

Today's morning began with a interesting start...
Saw my schoolmate, also flatmate, also friend late for school...
Sky was dark and it was raining...
She forced a smile out of her in the lift...
Haha...i knew its hard, with worries of getting late to school...
Well, i'm always half-dead early in the morning, and wee hours of the night...
So i just nodded my head as greeting...

She ran all the way to bus-stop...
100% pity...but well, she rejected my father's offer for bringing her to school...
Well, in case you don't know...i have a easy life...
my father brings mi to school every morning, and i sit bus back home...
Well, transport is developed in S'pore...haha...

Coming back, we did not stop her...
Yar, of course, i'm half-dead and also i'm no good at persuading...
What a nit-wit i am...

Well, i knew for sure that she would be late for school...
I do travel by bus to school in the morning too, that's why i know...
Well, that's is once in blue moon...and soon, it will be a every day issue...

So i suggested to my dad to make a loop to the bus stop...
And yay! My father agreed...my persuading skills still work on him, haha...
road was jammed too...
So chances for her to reach school on time is just maybe 10%...

Saw her, called her, waved, unlock car's door and make a din......
Haha...And she hopped in this time...
And we reached school on time...yay!
I'm a good samaritian...And well, of course i felt good after that...
I helped a person...haha...
Don't oversleep...or else an ugly day awaits you...

My father was quite surprised...
He did not know that i know her...
Well, that's lame...I do mix around with people living around me...
Maybe my father is still knowing the "introvert" me last time and not the present "extrovert" i am now...
It reminds me of the "usual talk-about" movie 'Turn left, turn right'...
The story is about a guy and a girl who are neighbours but at first they do not know each other, and in the end they turn out being couples...
And this phenomenon usually happens to Singapore residents...
Due to the obvious fact that everyone is busy, no one gives a damn about neighbours or flatmates...
And its sad, the chinese saying "yuan3 qin1 bu4 ru2 jing4 lin2",
direct translation is "far friend not better than close neighbour..."
In a way or another, it do make sense and harbour truth...
Neighbours are the first thing you can rely on if you met with burgler or whatever mishaps that you can think of...
The bond is not strong, worst than covalent bonds between non-metals...
So maybe, if there is a fire, and if flatmates don't work together, it will be disastrous...

S'pore shows off her talent and expertises in so many areas and gain international respect...
But bonds between people are not formed...
Everyone is scattered, living in a world alone...
Cutting through each other's path frequently but not knowing...
A word to describe: pathetic...
At her surface, S'pore is doing very well...Deep inside, its quite a mess though...
Know what i'm talking about?

Chemistry was okay...okay for me...
Mr Nah told me that my class average was 29/40 (A2) for today's paper 1 test...
He spoke in sarcastic, mellow-baritone...
Hate that kind of strange sounds...:S

Went out after school...its a normal procedure for me to do so...
Must reward myself after weeks or even a mouth of relentless torture...
We practically walked around Toa Payoh...and its lame i know...
I wanted to borrow a book and come home early to write something nice for you readers to enjoy...
But its something within me telling me i better go out and relax for a while...
Before i started toiling again...

We tried faking as JC students, wanting to watch a NC-16 show entitled "28days later"...
One of my 'kakis' took out school tie and wore some strange collar pin...
He tried helping us to buy the movie tickets, but unfortunately, his disguise fell through...our plan fell through...
And a word of advice:"toa payoh entertainment centre's cinema have clever sales ladies"...

Friend then suggested to go to Shaw Plaza...that's a place where you can even watch R(A) movie...
But well, we are not sex pervert who wanted to watch just such shows where half of the show is lurid...
We were just intrigued by the show '28days later'...

But come to think of it, its real stupid for us to visit cineplex in school uniform...
And obviously, they knew...knew all our dirty tricks...haha...

So i came home achieving nothing from the outing...
Actually wanted to watch movie with some of my friends...
not this group i mean, i sms them yesterday but all were busy...

Sometimes, when you are bored and wanted some accompaniment...
You started searching your phone book...calling some good friends...
And they seemed to be busy and you don't wanna disturb them...
So you started scanning through the phone book once again,
searching for not-so-close friends to share your bordom,
then you felt that they don't really care about you...
Not giving up, you searched your e-mail contacts,
and found that no one that could release your innermost boredom...
It just need a second to think, few second to call, and boredom vanished for hours...
See what a failure you are?
In the end, you just waste a full-hour scanning over your "oceans of contacts" for just a friend, a friend to share with you your boredom...and that's all you need...
Where are they?

“An old man lived in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who used to help him was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear son,
"I'm feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I am just getting too old to be digging up the garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me."
Love Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
"For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES."

Love Son

At 4 a.m. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
"Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances."
Love son

And the moral of the story is to work smarter not harder...
Use your brain; in the perceived impossible...
Sometimes it can make the impossible possible...am i right?

Well, i tried studying...
But it just can't get into my head...
Maybe its coz' i'm too excited...
Or maybe i'm sick of studying--sick of regurgitating everything out during exams...
Haha...i'm done glancing TYS for tomorow's test in half-hour time...
That's great...and nothing gets inside my head...
"Braindead' as usual...
Or maybe i'm not really scared of chemistry...??

And instead of studying, i'm here blogging away...
Well, its strange and lame of me to do so...
Getting late night sleep these few days too...

Since i have the inspiration now, let's talk about the future...
Hmm...soon, i will go for tertiary studies in one year's time...
Unless i really flung my 'O' levels, then i will go polytechnic...
But, well...i hope to go to a good JC....too early to talk about it?
Haha...yar, i agree...but i like to see things far...

And soon, after JC days, i will go for NS...haha...
Its all boys that need to go through...
Guess i would not suffer that much, its mainly psychological...
After 2.5yrs of overwhelming training, i can choose to go to Singapore Uni or maybe overseas...
And most probably, its overseas...

Looking at the world now, i mean, overseas education seemed to be a more appropriate choice...
So where would i go?
Haha...that's a even long time from now...
Told disbelieving just now that maybe i also go birmingham...
But think i won't...maybe some parts of australia...

After years of education there...
Jobs will come in, and see what job attracts me...
or rather what am i specialised at that time...

Spouse? Yar...maybe lah...don't really know...
Really don't know...
But will find one...
Normally people will work hard first then find for a life-time parther...
But by the time, they think they had enough of monetary backing, they are old...
Some may even lost their interests in the opposite sex...haha

Well, type quite a little of crap...too much distractions around...
But, all these things is what i think, at this very moment...
And obviously, life will never be as straight as you think...
And world changes unpredictably, so fate is unknown...
Plus, disasters are prone these days too...maybe it will happen to me? *choy*...

Everything is unknown, and determination and willpower is the key factor that will pull you to greater heights...

My trip overseas is officially cancelled...
And, its because the trip is too expensive...

Biology test was disastrous...
Paper two was really bad, i knew little questions which i don't even know will it guarantee a pass for me...
Paper one was difficult in disguise...
I finished the paper within 15minutes, spent the next 45minutes pondering over two enigmatic questions...
Later, i knew that lots of questions were tricky...

Well, regret of course...
Should not have spend so much time on those two questions...
But well, its over and done with...

People always claim that regret is no good...
But always there are people who would wail and wail about past things...
And i admit, i might be one of them...
I had seen people cried after exams, after getting results, blah blah...
Exams--I mean during major exams...like PSLE and maybe streaming...
Sometimes even ordinarily exams people will whine about it...

Its not that i despise such people, or whatsoever...
I mean such small things/events, and they make such a big fuss...
How about next time? Those big issues that they would make their companies lose millions?
Will they wail and expect things to drop from the blue blue sky?
Let's put it in this way, how many people could just put mistakes at one side and go on in life, learning from it?

And important factor is the intensity of the mistake...
Ask yourself, will you cry if you lost your wallet?
No right?
How about this, will you wail for days if you killed a person on the road coz' of your reckles driving?
Hmm...you did hesitate for a moment....and yay...u wil cry...
I'm sadist if you don't know...haha

Well, and see, everyone is susceptible to mistakes and prone to have regrets...
And i think that its how you could get yourself out of regrets...and learn...
Eventually, you become stronger...

So much about regrets...i'm scolded by OM today...
He was standing infront of me...
And i was shouting away, calling people back for a make-up lesson...
Instructions was not given properly, making us indecisive for at least 30minutes...
And well, when we made the decision to go, instructions came...
So at that nick of time, when i got the information, i called those people infront of me...
And haha...he (OM) was standing infront of me...
My peripheral vision din catch him...haha...
He just told me off, and like everyone was walking away...
So like what most students do, i stood there dumbfounded...
And well, i was in the wrong...
So no point argueing...haha...i'm disrupting peace...
Om left soon, and i chased after those people who were leaving...
I felt bad, as i did not bother to even say 'sorry'...
I mean there was no point saying at that very moment...

At that blink when we stared at each other, when i stood there dumbfounded...
Found myself alone...like a lost and alone boy helpless in a panther's cage...
Why panther? OM is an indian...haha...just a joke...i do respect other races...and i don't mean it...just meant as a joke...
Coming back, and a synapse just caught me and reminded me that i'm always alone...
No matter i'm suffering in a deserted island, or i'm enjoying myself...
I'm always alone...
Nobody stands by my side, carrying me when i injured myself...
Well, maybe there are one or two, occasionally in a blue blue moon...
And luckily, i got my family...and yay! I'm not alone ultimately...

Strange thoughts...maybe i never stand up for my friend before...
Maybe i don't dare...i don't know...
But i believe that i dare, dare from now....

It depicts the scene of the world...
We live all by ourselves and maybe our spouse...
Apart from that are family and friends...
The rest of the world's population are just strangers...
Acquaintance at most...

I love the chinese proverb, "wu2 shi4 bu4 deng1 san3 bao3 dian4"...
It meant that people look for you when you are of use to them or they need your help...
Or else, you and that guy is one world's apart...
And maybe that's the monotony of this boring world...

Well, i had not experience this yet...
But i got the feeling of lonely, and maybe acquired some sense of the modern society...

Take for example, i'm working in a 'one-man' committee for some particular organisation. (not scouts)...
And i'm sort of 'suaned' by friends, maybe they despise the organisation or maybe they despise me instead...
Well, they might think i'm not capable...
And okay, well...i showed them...

They said i can't E1 and well i went in...just to suffer more misery...
They said i can't be better in acadamic studies... and well, i made tremendous acheivements that they can't even match mine now...
They said that scouts isn't a good CCA, and well, i showed them by trying to change to change the whole system, and soon things will change...
They said i'm weak...and well, obviously, i'm fit...
They said i can't be a good leader...and well, i'm the overall-in-charge of scouts at the moment...
They said that i.................and i can't be bothered so much more...
I can't really go on like this, struggling just to show them of my capibilities...
And its wrong...i should do things of my own limits and not coz' of these pathetic souls whom can't even attain anything themselves...
I don't want to prove myself...its unhealthy...but i don't seem to be able to do so...
But I need to show them...my ego and self-esteem is high...
can't let them look down on me....
BUT i need to slow down...and do things i want, acheive things that i want...
And so i can be happy...
Can be free...

Yay! I acheived alot in life, i turned aloof?
Well, i hope not...
Its like i only despise people whom are really not worthy of my respect...
And like pseudo-culture, locals put up a false image to impress tourists...
I do have a "pseudo-nature", i put up a false front all the time...
I mean, well, its true and most people doing it...
And in a way, it can be linked with "wu2 shi4 bu4 deng1 san3 bao3 dian4"...
If you need that person's help next time, you won't make enemies with him now right?
And well, think i'm not that cunning to this level...
My "pseudo-nature" is mainly because i got too much troubles and hatred among people...
And i don't want more enemies, unless i have to...
(Well, i never have to make enemies...)
Its tiring, but i still have to have this "pseudo-nature" of mine till i die...
And i might not take off this "pseudo-nature" clothing of mine when i typing my blog too......
But i took out 80% of it......

Sorry, really sorry for such a sadistic and ridiculous post...
I'm insane at the moment...haha...

Physics paper 1 was still experienced by utmost difficulty...
But Mr. Amos gave us alot of hints during the exam itself...
Well, in a way, its great...
And in another way, its confusing...
At one time, I got confused with all the equations and sums and gone blank for a few moments...
And soon, its over...yay!

Geography was relatively easy...
I use the word 'relatively' means comparing with goeg papers last time...
So i should have good grades and that will prove that my theory of not 'recaping' is RIGHT...
Yay!
Tomorrow, i will be sitting for my biology exams...
But influenza is getting over me...
I will not want to elaborate on influenza symptoms...it will turn disgusting...
Trachea burning...oesophagus stuck with some strange substances...
Pathogens taking over immune system...
Leucocytes fighting losing battle...help!!!

D-ream-x blog was hacked by some guy...So she changed her blog, and deleted the old one...

Sometimes i will ask myself, why is there such lame idiots in this world? They create misery for other people for the fun of it...
They are just wasting earth's natural resources...
I mean such people are a waste to us, earthlings...don't benefit us in any sense...
And such people are so common...
Plus they may just become terrorists, and harm us...
And yesh, we will die...die a tragic death...
Maybe those innocent people will also be influenced by them to kill others...
So we must always come out with solutions to solve problems...
Like for the Catholic-Protestants conflict in Northern Ireland, they resorted to violence to destroy each other so as to prevent conflicts...
And that's their way to solve problems...

So coming back, we should just eliminate those potentially-terrorist people...
But how to distinguish between good and bad guys?
Well, don't differentiate...good will be influenced by the bad to be bad as well...
So it meant that everyone has the potential to become destructive....
And therefore, just eliminate everyone...
And yay! Its peaceful again...
Haha...

Well, there is 5 people reading my blog right now...
Haha...

Geography was terrible...
I practically memorised everything, preparing to regurgitate everything out tomorrow!
And guess what? I done it without doing any 'recap'...
And if you wanna know if it really works...i will tell you my geography results...

Influenza is getting very potent...my brother got infected by it yesterday...
And i'm infected by a tinge today...
I'm having my exams, i won't work at my optimum level now...sigh...
Wail, plus all those mugging i done over the weekends, i will die easily...
Readership is increasing tremendously...approaching 800...and soon a thousand!

Sorry about today post, i know its short...=)

Well, a nice comment from my teacher (asked me to be a teacher):

In my humble opinion, you have the inborn ability to influence, which not many have. and you are very proactive in life, and you are constantly 'reviewing' your experience in hope to better yourself. such traits will inspire students to greater heights...

I'm flattered, but it might not be true...other people may have different opinions...
In a way, constructive criticism is good and can i have some? Haha...

Another comment:

in my humble opinion, one cannot be a free-thinker for life, coz' you will at some point in time, find something which your belief as a free thinker cannot explain/convince yourself about...
In other words, there are things in this world which science, an invention of human, cannot explain and that point in time, many will seek 'explanations' in religion.

However, many at that times fall prey to many of the 'predators' our there, and thus step into a religion that may not be of their choice, if they had spent time reviewing and studying.
You are 'influenced', and set yourself to believe in things of wat other says coz you are too much affected by the particular incident/happenning to have a clear mind/perception of your own...

Its true, like what i said before, influencing is very wrong...
And politically incorrect...religion discrimination is also quite wrong in a sense...
But, this comment will leave me pondering......
Maybe i'm too young to experience such stage...and maybe never?

Well, need to study...maybe i will type something more interesting later...haha...

I read this interesting news today...

Reclaiming land: Sands and sensibility

Its found in the section of insights...Well, its interesting but long...take a look, its worth it...

Another news, Memories may form and reform, with sleep...
Two new studies indicate that memories, at least for skills learned in a laboratory, undergo a process of storage and restorage that depends critically on sleep....

Restoring Recall

And i did do an experiment on myself...
One part of the news says 'recap' is no good...
And i tried studying my biology without doing recap or whatsoever...
And Yay! it helped a lot...i realised that i gone much things into my puny head...

You know this prove the failure of 'recap'...
And if you are a student in my school, you would remember of a enrichment programme, conducted by a doctor teaching you stuffs about personal growth and development...
And they put the emphasis in recaping...
Well, they are wrong...
Hee, that also means that i should have not spend the money...

But well, its compulsory, and it eats into cirricculum time...
Why am i annoyed of this course? Haha...maybe its coz' they kept reading my outstanding payment over the PA system...its real lame!

If you wanna conduct such experiment like not doing recap, its real risky, but it is always worth a try...

A person who have courage triumphs!